


A Journey Inward

by Winter22



Category: Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 00:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13938663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter22/pseuds/Winter22
Summary: Poe Dameron and Shayavi Pewcha are back! As requested: this is a follow-up story to "Mission to Lahsbane". The couple's (even sexier) adventure continues as their relationship grows, this time focused mostly at the base on D'Qar. New recruits have come to join the Resistance, and Shay's ex boyfriend is one of them. Lots of angst, jealousy, sex, and the usual fluffy cuteness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Poe and Shayavi are back! After the wonderful feedback via private messages and requests I received following "Mission to Lahsbane", I couldn't help myself. I had to keep writing. I wanted to continue for several reasons: 1) Not to let you guys down, 2) I was having way too much fun with these characters, and 3) Poe is TOO SEXY to not continue writing!
> 
> And yes, a disclaimer: this story will be much sexier than Mission to Lahsbane. Now that their relationship has been well established and solidified from "Mission to Lahsbane", I now have more freedom to...erm...play.
> 
> Won't you join me? :)
> 
> Have fun!  
> -Winter

"Okay, you see the target to the east?" 

"I see it." 

"Give it everything you got." 

Shayavi leveled the X-wing and set her target. With her thumb on the trigger, she fired a shot that was dead center on the target. The tree exploded into splinters that showered the ship as they passed through. 

In the seat beside her, Poe couldn't help but clap proudly. "That's right! That's my girl! Now the next one...9 o'clock." 

"Got it" Shay said, biting her bottom lip in concentration. 

"Watch your back, don't ever forget that." 

"Never." 

Poe couldn't stop smiling. Next to him in the cockpit, Shay was knocking it out of the park. 

They made a hairpin turn and circled back as Shay brought the next tree within firing range. Engaging the target lock, she pressed the trigger and let fly another pair of laser fire right at the tree. It erupted into fragments, some of which burst into flames. 

This time, Shay looked to her side to see Poe's elated cheers as she brought the X-wing back for one more pass. "Not bad, huh?" 

Poe laughed into his mouthpiece. "Are you kidding? You're a natural!" 

Even beneath his helmet, Shay saw his eyes crinkling at the corners happily. "Alright - last one" she said, though it was more to herself than it was to Poe. 

"Right." Poe leaned forward, eyes focused beyond his helmet visor. "This one is split. Hit both without catching either of your wings on them. Bonus points for creativity." He looked at her with a smile. "Think you got this?" 

She looked at him beneath her own helmet, her eyes on fire with the thrill of the challenge. She reached over and yanked on one of his safety restraints. "Strap yourself in, Commander." 

Poe stared at Shay, half-laughing, half-shaking his head at her. She was turning him on and she didn't even know it - or maybe she did, he had no idea. He felt tightness rising in his groin in response to the bold way she handled the ship, the way she talked to him whenever she manned the helm, hell - even the way she looked with a Resistance helmet on. 

Though Shay's pastel Pantoran features gave her a naturally soft look, it was the innate grit and determination she had, especially behind the helm of an X-wing, that Poe loved most. Her fuchsia hair spilled out over her shoulders, a stark contrast to the all-black flight attire she'd worn. It added a slightly hard edge to her feminine appearance, and the whole thing turned Poe on so fiercely that it hurt. 

Shay maneuvered the X-wing around to the two trees in question and thought of a plan. She wanted to really impress Poe on this last challenge, so she decided to go for it. 

Lining the easternmost tree into her sights, she increased her fuel intake and fired all engines. When she was only a few meters from the tree, she fired. When that tree exploded, she blew through - hit the breaks, pulled hard on the throttle and whipped the X-wing back on its tails. Now she was facing the exploded tree from behind. She hit the throttle hard, and in a final shot, she blasted the other tree and covered back the way they came. 

Poe's mouth dropped open when he looked at her. 

Shay was grinning proudly. "Whaddya think?" 

Reaching across the electronic console between them, Poe grabbed Shay and brought her in for a kiss. Their helmets knocked together, but their mouths found each other's with ease. 

And so it had been the past few weeks: Poe and Shay in a tandem X-wing; Poe instructing and fine-tuning her already considerable talent behind the cockpit, and Shay blowing him away with how quickly she caught on. When Shay first asked to practice with him, it was a dream come true. He always wanted to teach someone he loved what he knew about flying, and Shay was the perfect audience: she was willing, enthusiastic, and _damn good_ . 

She brought the X-wing down into a small clearing not far from where they began the day's exercise, engaging the landing gear and giving BB-8 word that they were done for the day. They were the only ones out this early in the day, which is why they always left right after sunrise. It was their guaranteed free time alone with one another and they relished it. Each day they chose a new part of D'Qar's endless forests in which to terrorize with their practice shots. 

As Poe jumped down out of the cockpit, he lifted off his helmet and shook out his hair. As soon as Shay came around the ship, he dropped his helmet and walked up to her, his hands sliding around her waist. "Did I ever mention how hot you get me when we fly?" he uttered, pressing against her. 

"You hardly have to tell me." She reached down to palm his growing erection through his pants. "I do love that I have this kind of power over you." And she did love it. She was really starting to love flying, but she loved what it did to Poe even more. 

Their mouths connected, this time harder and longer than before. Poe backed Shay towards the ship as he deepened the kiss. When she felt the ship's metal frame against her back, she smiled against Poe's mouth. "Uh oh" she uttered. 

"Pinned." Poe eyed her playfully as he drug his lips down to the hollow of her neck. "Now what are you gonna do?" His mouth knew exactly where each of her weak spots were and he wouldn't hesitate to use that knowledge against her. He drug his stubble along her skin for added measure; a move he knew drove her crazy. 

In response, Shay reached down and undid the belt about his waist. "Not much I can do, is there?" 

"Hmm, I can think of a few things..." 

"So can I." 

Poe's wandering hands slid down her hips, finding their way to the button of her pants. Neither had worn a flight suit, since they hadn't gone out of D'Qar's orbit, but they still had way too many layers on for their liking...especially now. 

As Poe worked her pants over the curve of her bottom, Shay pushed his jacket off his shoulders. She took in the white shirt adorning his body beneath with satisfaction; white would always be her favorite color on him. The brightness complimented his tan skin, enhancing his ruggedly handsome appearance. She lifted the hem of the shirt to expose the rippled pane of his abs, her eyes following the trail of hair that led to exactly what she wanted. A subtle smile played over her mouth, which Poe noticed. 

"See something you like?" he teased. 

She caught his face in her hands, devouring his full lips with hers. "I have to have you here" she panted. 

Poe wasted no time. He grabbed behind Shay's knees and lifted her legs up to his hips, pinning her hard against the body of the ship. "I thought you didn't want to fuck against the ship anymore?" he taunted. He knew damn well when she'd uttered those words the _last_ time, it was all just idle threats. 

Shay bit his bottom lip. "Shut up and take me, Commander." 

Poe groaned deep in his throat and kissed her even harder. Calling him 'commander' always got him going, and this time was no exception. Shay smiled against his cheek as he bit at her neck, marking her possessively. She was all his, and would never be anyone else's. He loved her ferociously, and fucked her just as intensely. 

Shay sunk her fingers into Poe's hair, closed her eyes, and gave in to his desire. She heard the harsh tear of a zipper, then felt the heat of his sex press against her eagerly as he nudged the rest of her flight suit to the ground. From here on out, it was only them, their ship, and the wilderness around them. 

  


* * *

  


Shay sat on a workbench in the hangar listening to the other mechanics going on and on during their lunch break about the new recruits coming to join the Resistance. This came as a slight surprise, since she hadn't heard much about it until now. Apparently, General Organa had called up more who were willing to join the cause, considering they needed all the help they could get. As long the Resistance kept getting new people volunteering for the cause, Shay truly believed they stood a chance in this war. Although truth be told, she couldn't help but wonder if this very same conversation was brought up before she joined the Resistance. 

She slowly licked her spoon as her thoughts drifted in and out of the conversation at hand while thinking back to her and Poe's morning together. 

_"So am I the best flight instructor you've ever had?"_

_"Hmm...the best? The sexiest, maybe..."_

_"Says the girl who had an orgasm earlier."_

She smiled against her spoon. Even when he wasn't around, Poe still managed to make her smile. It was so comfortable between them now. They'd been 'official' for a little while, though they didn't make an outward point of flaunting it. There were plenty of relationships within the Resistance, but neither Shay nor Poe cared much for the billboard-like relationship. They were both busy, but they stole away moments whenever they could in between the craziness that was their life. It helped that neither were assigned to any missions lately, so they had more time at the base together. 

Blinking out of her memories, Shay forced herself back to the present moment and did her best to stay there. It seemed the conversation nearby was still on the new recruits and where they'd be assigned, although something new being discussed gave Shay a reason to join in. She listened as they talked about some social event that was being planned among the various crews at the base; a sort of 'welcome party' for the recruits, so to speak, though much more low key. 

"I didn't get a welcome party" Shay said, humor in her voice. "What gives?" 

Her dear friend, Catlin, sat next to her and gave her shoulder a shove. "You came _alone_ , silly. As much as I love you, I don't think the base is going to celebrate one recruit as opposed to nearly twenty new recruits." 

Shay shrugged. "Their loss." She smirked at Cat and took a drink from her water bottle. 

It was true: this upcoming group of newcomers was the largest they'd seen in _months_. Aside from one or two handpicked individuals, like herself, the Resistance hadn't had an influx of bodies in quite some time. It helped they had won a few battles and missions recently, reigniting the spark that was essential to getting new people to volunteer for the cause. 

"A bunch of the pilots think something like this will help them want to stay" said Wyle to the group. "I think winning does more for that then a drunken night of bonding." 

Shay thought about her night with Black Squadron on Lahsbane, sitting around the fire together doing just that: drinking and bonding. That night sure helped her in many, _many_ ways, plus...she got to learn all about the people who ended up saving her ass later in the mission. Because of this, she thought about arguing Wyle's point, but decided against it in the end. 

"So are you going to come?" Wyle asked. 

Shay pointed at herself. "Who me?" She stared down at her water. "I don't know...when is it?" 

Cat rolled her eyes. "Of course she's going Wyle. And guess who'll she'll be going with." 

The others sitting there stared at Shay with subtle smiles on their faces. Shay knew exactly what they were thinking, and nothing she could say in argument would be close to the truth. Poe would be there, and she'd be with him. They knew it. She knew it. But her and Poe weren't exactly _that public_ with their relationship. Though: what would be the harm? 

Growing tired of the chatter, Shay passed a smirk around at the group and grabbed what was left of her lunch. "Sorry to eat and run, but duty calls" she told them as she stood. "I'm sure you all understand?" 

They all laughed and waved her off, mumbling something about 'duty' meaning _Dameron_ , and that was the last Shay heard as she walked away. As much as she didn't wanted to hide it, she was smiling. 

  


* * *

  


Poe couldn't stop laughing. He lay across from Shay on the bed, her hand in his as she attempted to 'read his palm'. His cheeks already hurt from smiling so much, but he didn't care. He watched Shay with growing affection as she stared down at his palm, tracing the lines. 

"And _this_ one..." She said, trying to hold back a giggle. " _This_ one signifies many, _many_ blown-up ships." 

Both of Poe's eyebrows shot up. "Ships, huh?" 

She nodded. 

"Am I _in_ said ships?" 

"Oh no. Of course not." 

"Well that's a relief." 

Shay smirked. "Wait wait...hold on...look at this." With the tip of her finger, she traced the lengthy line that ran down the center of his hand. "Know what this one is?" 

"I don't have the _slightest_ clue" he said while chuckling. 

Shay loved when Poe was so happy that his entire face scrunched up. This was one of those moments and it caused her to have an urge to kiss him, so she did. "Now pay attention, because this is a big one." 

Poe was clearly intrigued. "Do tell, Mistress of Pantora." 

" _This one_ signifies your love life." Shay's smirk grew, enticing him. 

"Ooooo." He leaned in closer until his head was nearly touching Shay's. "What's your prediction?" 

"This is no prediction. This is fact." 

"Even better." 

Shay's amber eyes centered on Poe. "I see a long and prosperous life full of happiness and bliss between you and your _one true love_ …." She paused, creating even more anticipation. "…..your droid." 

Poe exhaled hard and flopped back on the bed. Across the room, BB-8's head spun and looked at them with a curious _whrrrmm?_

Shay was laughing at the ridiculousness of it all the same time Poe started to shake his head at her. "C'mere, you" he said, pulling her on top of him. She squirmed under Poe's touch but his arms were too fast. He began to tickle her in her stomach — a weak spot he discovered and used whenever he could to his advantage — as they both continued to laugh. 

Silly moments like this were what the pair craved and found in one another, a respite of playfulness in all the heaviness that surrounded them. Unfortunately, their carefree moment was interrupted by a knocking at Poe's door, which halted all their noise. 

"Sit tight." Poe's lips found Shay's as he rose from the bed. When he turned to leave, he felt her hand slap his ass. He gave her a warning glance, full of sass and playfulness, then went to the door. 

Upon opening, Poe's eyebrows rose. "General?" 

"Good evening, Commander." Leia smiled, hands folding in front of her. Her eyes moved down his shirtless torso to his boxers. "I was hoping to discuss something with you..." She cleared her throat. "That is, if you're free to do so?" 

"Well, uh..." He scratched at the back of his neck as he glanced over his shoulder. Since all the quarters on D'Qar's base were open studios by design, his bed - and Shay - were visible from the door. It wasn't like General Organa didn't know they were together, but he still wasn't used to having a superior see him half-dressed with his significant other. "I mean, I'm never too busy for you, General-" 

Leia smirked. "-Out with it, Dameron." 

Poe gave her a lop-sided smile. "Shayavi's here. So..." He wiggled his head and laughed. "I probably shouldn't-" 

"-Is she presentable?" 

Leia's deadpan statement shocked Poe to silence. "Wha-Yeah, yeah she is, but..." 

"Well I don't see a problem then!" She pushed past Poe and entered his living area with a grin. "Good evening, Pewcha. Sorry to interrupt you two." 

"Not a problem!" Shay called, scrambling across the room to cover herself. In place of a robe, she wrapped one of Poe's long sleeved shirts over herself to cover the cami and shorts she was wearing. It was the nearest item she could find, though Leia didn't seem to notice either way. Shay hugged the shirt against her, giving Poe a sympathetic smile as he came and stood next to her. 

"I'm actually glad I could catch you both" Leia told them. If she was fazed by them standing there half-dressed, it didn't show in the slightest. "Dameron, I'm placing you in charge of the next set of recruits coming in tomorrow. Most of them are pilots, but they'll need all the help you can give them with how things work around here. At the very least, show them around the base." 

"Absolutely, General" he told her, feeling flattered that she'd chosen him. It was a big deal, and a great chance to show leadership to both the General and the recruits. He glanced beside him to see Shayavi admiring him with great pride. 

Now, Leia turned to Shay. "You may be happy to know there's another Pantoran coming up with the group." 

Shay was certainly surprised to hear this. "Is that so?" She looked to Poe with some thrill at the news, and he gave her a nudge in the side. 

"I was wondering if you'd do the honors of making sure they're well acquainted around the base?" 

"Of course." Shay felt the excitement mounting inside her. Though she never felt isolated at all among the others in the Resistance, it would be nice to have another Pantoran along. If there was a way she could make them feel comfortable upon arrival, she would be sure to do it. 

"Excellent." Leia lifted her hands. "See? Didn't take long at all. I'll be sure to leave you two alone now..." 

Poe and Shay exchanged a smirk. "It's really okay, General" Poe mentioned. "If there's anyone we don't mind a random visit from, it's you." Beside him, Shay was nodding in agreement. 

Standing before the couple, Leia could feel their energy through the Force. While she never used the Force much, it still ran through her veins and would forever be a part of her, no matter how much she tried to shut herself off from it. She couldn't hone it quite the way her brother could, but she still felt certain people's energy. Poe and Shayavi, for as much as they tried to appear totally normal in front of her, were failing miserably at it and it made Leia smile even more. 

"I've already overstayed my welcome" she said, motioning a hand towards the door. "I have a few other people I need to speak to before it gets any later." 

"You should get some sleep yourself" said Poe, his protective side coming to the surface. His hand found the low of Leia's back as he opened the door. "And I say that with all the love and respect in the galaxy." 

Leia knew he did, and she adored him for it. "Thank you, Dameron, but I'll sleep when the war's over. You sleep for me, how about that?" 

Shay heard her from behind and couldn't help but dip her head to disguise her smirk. If she didn't know better, she would swear they sounded like a stubborn mother and an equally stubborn son. 

Poe pulled a face at Leia, but there was nothing but love in his eyes. "Goodnight General. Thanks for dropping by." 

"Any time, Commander." She looked over Poe's shoulder and waved. "Goodnight to you too, Shay." 

Shayavi waved, still partly hugging Poe's shirt over her body. As Poe closed the door and came back into the room, his expression matched hers when they looked upon each other: they both loved Leia more than words could do justice. 

"So…Recruit officer now?" Shay's eyes were alive with adoration for Poe as he walked towards her. "So many titles for one man." 

Poe was flattered by the way Shay spoke of him, but moreso by the way she was looking at him. His hands found her waist and drew her in. "Can I admit something?" 

"Anything your heart desires." She looked up at him, though her gaze lingered lovingly on his mouth. 

"I kind of love this look on you." A spark of something hungry appeared in Poe's dark stare. "I think you should wear more of my clothes, in fact." 

Shay regarded him curiously. "And here I thought you always wanted me naked." 

"Oh you'll eventually get there, don't worry." Poe tipped her chin and kissed her. It was a slow kiss; unhurried and deliberate. Truthfully, he _did_ find Shay sexy in his shirt. The way the length was just right, falling to just below the curve of her ass and highlighting her long legs. He could get pretty used to this sort of thing. 

Shay couldn't argue either, because his shirt smelled delightfully of all things that made Poe _Poe._ She drew the collar in and inhaled, then smiled at him. "I think I can make that happen. I like smelling like you...when you smell this good, that is." 

He laughed, and without warning, scooped Shay into both his arms. "Back to bed with you, then" he said, and carried her back to their sanctuary once more. 

  


* * *

  



	2. Chapter 2

The new recruits had arrived. A group of about a dozen stood at the main briefing office within the base, receiving a personal greeting from General Organa and some of her closest Lieutenants and Officers. Included in this group was Poe; standing at attention near the General as she welcomed each one of them. Today he wore his Officer uniform; the olive blazer and dark pants a nice (and freeing) change from the usual flight suit he wore most days. 

As he stood there, his eyes roamed over each of the recruits, sizing them up and getting an initial impression. In their eyes he saw a willingness that was necessary in this galactic battle. It wasn't something you could fake, so Poe was very glad to see a natural desire to help evident within their expressions. He wasn't too surprised to see a few alien species mixed in with the human recruits standing there, but Poe's eyes naturally gravitated to the Pantoran male that stood among them. He was tall, athletically built, with the same gold eyes his entire race shared, though he had dark navy hair. It made the gold of his eyes appear even brighter, but there was still strength in his stance and in his gaze as he looked upon the General while she spoke. 

As General Organa introduced Poe, his rank, and his various titles he held within the base, Poe greeted each of the recruits similar to how the General had. He shook each of their hands, feeling for a certain solidity he expected in their shake. He was glad to receive it from each one of them. 

"Alright group, first thing's first" he announced, hands clasping behind his back. "How many here will be flying alongside me?" At least half of the group raised their hands, their chins tilting proudly. Poe smiled at them, genuinely looking forward to working with each one in the future. "Excellent. I'll be seeing more of you select few then in the days to come. For you others, ask any questions you may have at any time, and please..." He leaned in and gave them his best grin. "Don't let my title fool you; I'm not someone you should fear here. Leave that for her." 

The recruits chuckled, easing their stance a little thanks to the humor. 

Next to Poe, General Organa shook her head, her usual tight-lipped smirk breaking across her face. "Don't listen to him...at least, not about that" she joked. 

Poe elbowed her gently, then nodded his chin at the recruits. "Follow me. First stop: the hangar. The most important location on base, besides this one." 

He led the group towards the hangar, noticing the giant entrance was raised to allow the light of the new day to stream in. A nice breeze blew, making the hangar feel less enclosed and eased the scent of engine exhaust. 

Out of habit, Poe looked right for his X-wing to find Shay. She was standing on a ladder and working inside the nose cone. She didn't immediately see him, and it wasn't until he brought the recruits up to the ship before she even heard him. 

"Here we have my personal T-70 X" he told the recruits. Even with the main doors to the hangar open to the outside, his voice still carried some distance. "Customized. One of kind. But don't fret - those over there are yours. Fairly new, and freshly worked on by my very own mechanic, Shayavi Pewcha." 

From inside the nose cone, Shay heard her name. She lifted her head from out of the ship, her eyes going wide with surprise. It wasn't just Poe who was standing there below her ladder, but a large group of new faces. "Oh! Oh jeeze, sorry..." She climbed the rest of the way out and pushed her goggles up to her forehead, one hand going to her hip. "How's it going?" 

"So far so good" he said with a grin. "I'm introducing you, by the way." 

"Oh, right." Shay gave a nervous smile, wondering how horrible she looked to be introduced to newcomers. She climbed down the ladder with a hop onto the floor below, standing close beside Poe, whose hand found a resting spot on her back. "Welcome to D'Qar, everyone" she said, eyes roaming over the group proudly. "I hope-" 

She stopped when she saw the Pantoran, her heart freezing in her chest. Dread filled her as her breath caught in her chest. 

Poe had been smiling at her, but saw a change come over her as she hesitated. "Babe?" he asked, stepping forward. 

Shay blinked, her eyes focused on the Pantoran. " _Kiv?!_ " 

The Pantoran male, Kiv, stepped forward. His expression was apprehensive, but nonetheless beaming. "Hi Shayavi. Good to see you...after all this time." 

Poe's head was on a swivel. He stared at the man - Kiv - and then back to Shay. "Wait - you know two know each other?" He watched Shay's expression turn from utter shock to repulsion. 

"We _did_." Shay's jaw turned rock solid, as unyielding as her stare. 

The other recruits, as well as Poe, turned their heads and looked at Kiv now, waiting for a response. A weird sensation was stirring somewhere inside Poe's gut, telling him what he didn't want to know but somehow already knew. 

"Shay, listen" said Kiv, stepping out from the group. "I know it was a long time ago, but maybe we can be friends now that we're fighting togeth-" 

"-No, Kiv. _No_." She held out her hand, stopping him. "No." 

It was all that was needed. Kiv took a step back, fading into the rest of the recruits who stood there looking dumbfounded. 

Lifting her chin proudly, Shay's eyes looked to the other recruits. "I apologize for this" she told them. "Now if you'll excuse me." Her eyes met Poe's with apology. "I'm sorry" she whispered, then walked away. 

Poe watched after her, his gut sinking further. When he looked back at Kiv, the Pantoran was standing there with downcast eyes. When Kiv's eyes finally rose and met Poe's, a flare of intense jealousy bloomed in his chest. Heat traveled up his neck to his face, feeling suddenly much warmer now beneath his blazer. Poe didn't know the story between this man and his girlfriend, but he needed to _get_ the story before he allowed his rage to find a target. If Shayavi was once romantic with this guy, and Poe had to train him now... 

Taking a deep breath in and out, Poe flexed his fingers free of the tight balls he'd made with them. 

_Focus on the group and your task, and talk to Shay later. You are hers now. Not this idiot. You. Poe Dameron. Best pilot there is. Best lover. Orgasm bringer. You. No one else but you._

_"_ Alright, let's move onward." He looked over the group, but Kiv's eyes were still centered on him. Poe motioned for the others to continue on to their ships, and the recruits took the hint. As they proceeded past, Poe waited, halting Kiv with a palm on his shoulder. "What was your name again?" 

"Kiv Neeshla." 

"Kiv. Right." Poe stared down the bridge of his nose at the Pantoran, his lip subtly curling. "I'd appreciate it if you kept your _personal_ matters to yourself from now on." 

"Yeah?" Kiv shrugged Poe's hand off his shoulder and straightened his uniform coat. "Huh. Interesting. I could have _sworn_ I heard you refer to your 'mechanic' as _babe_ in front of everyone?" 

Poe's face lit up haughtily. _Oh he wants to play, does he?_ With his index finger, Poe pointed to the badge on his left shoulder. "Do you know what this symbol stands for?" He didn't wait for Kiv to answer. "It means _Commander_. And _because_ of my rank as Commander, I reserve the right to call my girlfriend however I please when I see her." 

"Girlfriend?!" Kiv's neutral face finally showed some emotion. 

Poe smirked. "Yeah, that's right. You heard me." 

If Pantoran's faces could pale, Kiv's did. The cerulean hue of his skin took on a much lighter shade as all emotion fell away from his face. His gold eyes stared coldly at Poe, but he kept control of his expression. He wouldn't give this 'Commander' the pleasure of seeing exactly what he felt about him. 

With his eyes, Poe signaled towards the other recruits. "Better move along now, Recruit." He forced a smile as Kiv obeyed the order and went to join the other recruits. Poe followed behind, but the contempt he felt for the Pantoran was solidified. 

  


* * *

  


Later that evening, Shay lay alone in her quarters on her bed. Her thoughts tormented her, threatening to ruin her entire day and all days to come if she didn't figure out what to do about Kiv Neeshla: ex-boyfriend, current nuisance. 

_Of all the people...why him? Why the worst ex-boyfriend I've ever had? Why him? Why!?_

At first, Shay felt angry, as she had been in the hangar. Her anger then transitioned to something closer to irritation, which is the stage she remained in. 

Over dinner - which she spent alone in her apartment - she mulled over how it was that Kiv ended up as a recruit. Did he join the Resistance because he'd heard she joined? Would he be capable of doing something like that? 

She snorted to herself at the thought. 

_He was capable of walking out on you, after being caught cheating on you. What ISN'T he capable of doing?_

To say she hated him for a small period of her life was an understatement, but they'd both been a lot younger than they were now. There was a lot of life lived in those years after they broke up: Kiv left Pantora, and Shay went to work on Orto Plutonia, helping the Resistance and doing something much more with her life than ever before. Whatever happened in the past was left there. 

Until today. 

She forced herself up off the bed, angry with herself for then fifteenth time that day for even _thinking_ about Kiv. This was her base. Her job. Her life. _He_ wasn't going to ruin it. She had to be the bigger person here, since it wasn't possible for him to do so. 

Fed up with herself, Shay needed to go for a walk. Her thoughts turned to Poe, wondering if he'd like to go with her. Knowing him, Shay figured he might want to talk about earlier. She grabbed her key card and exited her apartment, but came to an immediate halt in the hallway. Poe was walking towards her, his head down as he mumbled to himself. "Poe!?" she blurted. 

He stopped, gaze lifting. "Shay?" 

"Hey." 

"Hi." 

She blinked, still surprised. "You wanna, uh..." 

"...Go for a walk?" He smiled at her, realizing she just had the same thought he had at the same moment. "Yeah." 

"Me too" she echoed, already feeling better. 

"Outside?" 

"Yes please." 

The wrinkle between Poe's brows smoothed as his expression relaxed. He waited until Shay caught up to where he stood. His hand founds hers, and together, they went out into the early evening. 

  


* * *

  


Dusk faded fast on D'Qar, and soon, Poe and Shay found themselves a kilometer or so away from the base with no desire to return. They sat together on a grassy knoll, hip to hip, Poe's legs stretched out before him while Shay hugged her knees to her chest. 

"So...that's the story" she said, finishing the tale of what she could tell Poe about Kiv. He'd asked all the right questions, and she never once lied or stretched any part of it. She told him how they'd met on Pantora through mutual friends, how the relationship hadn't been long but had been heavy at times, and how it ended: with Kiv cheating on her with one of the friends that introduced them. 

Poe sat quietly, absorbing the information with a neutral expression. He was propped up on both elbows, his eyes staring off blankly as Shay told him the story. Now he understood why she reacted the way she did in the hangar. And _now,_ he officially hated Kiv. 

When Shay finished, he inhaled deep, glad for it to be over. He turned his gaze away to the dark forest below where they sat. His jealousy surprised him, but he was doing a better job than he expected at keeping it silent. When he didn't respond, however, Shay looked over with worry. 

"How mad are you?" she asked, chewing her bottom lip. 

"Mad!?" Poe chuckled. "Do I look mad?" 

"Not at all." 

"I know I'm not the first guy you've been with" he said, tasting the bitterness of the words as they left his mouth. 

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "And I know I'm not the first girl you've been with." 

In the darkness of the approaching night, Poe's eyes seemed even darker as they found her gaze. "Doesn't make it any easier, does it?" 

Shay shook her head, picking at a piece of grass. "No, it sure doesn't..." She side-eyed him then as a thought popped into her head. "None of them are-" 

"-No," he answered with a knowing smile. "No, none of them are here. Don't worry." 

"Not worried." 

Poe stared at her, watching as she absentmindedly plucked another strand of grass out of the ground. She may not have been 'worried', but she was bothered by the thought of it all - just as he was. It was a weird position to be in for the both of them, but it was the reality of life. They loved each other, and that love was growing day by day, but it still didn't erase any jealousy that cropped up whenever they talked about their past. 

"We just didn't need this, you know?" Shay uttered, coming out of her thoughts. "Everything was just going so well..." She looked at Poe and tossed the blade of grass at him. "Know what I mean?" 

He smirked at her. "I know exactly what you mean." Sitting fully upright, he reached over and cupped the back of her head. "And everything is _still_ going well. That's something you don't have to worry anything about." 

There was reassurance in his touch and in the way he looked at her. As usual, Shay felt the soothing effects of being with him washing over her. "That's good, " she told him. "I don't want anything to change that." 

Poe's hand tenderly stroked through her hair, his eyes alive in the silver moonlight. "It won't, babe." 

Their lips brushed against each other's, and Shay found refuge in the tenderness of Poe's kiss. After, they lay down on their backs upon the grass together, their gazes lost in the maze of stars twinkling above them. There was a comfortable, contemplative silence between them, their fingers lazily entwining together as they stared upward. 

"Almost like there isn't a war going on." Poe's eyes drifted towards Shay. 

"Like we're the only ones in the galaxy." 

Their eyes locked in shared understanding. In the dark night surrounding them, Shay's violet hair took on a delicate pastel hue, her blue-gray skin a shade softer from the moonlight. Poe drank in her image; as beautiful a scene as the night sky above them. Out here, they _were_ the only ones. Out here, there was no war. Just them, their endless affection, and the stars above. 

As their eyes gravitated back upwards, Poe felt himself opening up to Shay. "As a kid, did you ever lay out under the stars and wonder what was waiting out there?" he asked. "Or was that just me?" 

Shay rolled her head to the side. "Definitely not just you." When Poe looked at her, she met him with a smile. Disconnecting her fingers from his, she motioned for him to come closer. He shifted his positioning to lay his head on her stomach, which is exactly what Shay was hoping he'd do. Her fingers promptly found his hair, softly caressing its length. "What did you think was waiting out there?" she asked him. 

A tiny smile played across Poe's face. "Adventure. Distant unknown lands. So many possibilities to meet people and learn about them." 

"I forgot you were kind of a space nerd." 

Poe shifted so he could see her expression. "Speak for yourself! You're the one who used to pretend asteroids were stepping stones for Fathiers to gallop across." 

"Hush!" Shay covered his mouth with her palm and giggled. She couldn't help it; he was right, and he was too cute to tease. With her arms, she hugged his boxy torso in apology. "I was just teasing, anyway." 

"You say that because _you're_ the nerd." 

"Yes, okay - I'm the nerd." 

Poe covered her arms with his and tilted his mouth upwards. Shay took the hint and kissed him. "Thank you" he said. 

"You're welcome." 

They lay in silence again, their mouths formed into smiles that slowly faded as their thoughts turned back to the stars. They loved being together, even when they were teasing one another ( _especially_ when they were teasing one another). It was this effortless ease between them that made them realize just how solid and real their feelings were for another. 

Poe lay content in Shay's arms, feeling a sense of peace come over him. His thoughts drifted to his mother and a memory he hadn't thought of in many years. He recalled a song she used to sing to him when he was very young, and she sang it once when they lay together and gazed at the stars together. 

" _Oh little star, evening star, shining with hope and peace...Oh little star, shining for all to see..."_

Shay's eyes slowly lowered to Poe in her lap, mesmerized and surprised all at once that he was singing. He had a beautiful singing voice; another hidden talent she never thought to consider. When Poe looked at her, he smiled as he continued, his voice just as soft and gentle as the words flowed from him. 

" _Oh little star, brightest star, one wish you might grant me? It's light and life you share...But little star, my favorite star...Might I join you there?"_

Shay watched as Poe drifted out of his memory. His gaze found hers, afraid to look at her for fear she found his song silly. Instead, Shay lowered her fingers from his hair to cup his face. "That was beautiful." 

He averted his eyes bashfully. "Thanks..." 

"What's it from?" 

"Just something my mom used to sing to me. I'm shocked I even still remember it." When he chanced a look at Shay again, he was surprised to see every part of her face in a brilliant smile. 

"I love you, Poe Dameron" she said, exuding the love she felt for him in that moment. She grabbed his face and squished it in her hands. "You stupidly beautiful man with your equally beautiful heart." 

Poe grabbed Shay and pulled her onto him, their laughter lifting into the night sky. 

  


* * *

  


Without any missions on the horizon, work in the hangar on base dwindled slowly but surely. The Resistance seemed to be in a lull, as was the First Order. It didn't sit well with most - many wondered what the First Order was up to, and why they'd been so quiet lately - but everyone also tried to enjoy it while it lasted. 

Shay was one of those that was finding it difficult to enjoy...at least, during the day when she spent her time in the hangar among the ships. She enjoyed her work, and enjoyed tinkering around; fixing this and adjusting that. When she completed the last of her smallest tasks, she found herself poking around on a datapad, trying to read the latest on the honing device being created on base in the Tech Division. Because it's inception was a direct result of her and Poe's struggles on Lahsbane, her interest in it was permanently roused. Eventually, the tool would need to be tested on one of the Resistance ships, and - according to General Organa - Shay was going to be the one to implement it on whatever ship they chose. Just another reason she decided to keep up on the all the latest of how it's creation was going. 

Sitting on the floor of the hangar, her back pressed against the wall and knees folded in front of her, Shay read all the details on the creation of the honing device. She munched on a jogan fruit, eyes glued to the datapad as she read through the technical notes. The whole thing fascinated her, and the best part was - she was going to be a part of something huge that could aid the Resistance for years to come. She couldn't wait to get started. 

As she sat reading, munching, totally engrossed in the datapad, Shay didn't notice Kiv approaching. When she _did_ , she shot to her feet. "What are you doing here?" she exclaimed, wiping her mouth of the jogan fruit. 

Kiv approached closer, albeit with some caution. "I just want to talk." He continued to approach, but stopped when Shay held out her hand. 

"You're close enough" she said. 

From his modified distance, Kiv sighed. "Why are you so angry?" 

"Angry!?" Shay stared at him in shock. She hadn't seen him in years. Hadn't heard from him in that long either. After she found him cheating, he never even bothered to apologize to her. In fact, she actually felt insulted by his question. "Is this a joke? Is you _being here_ an actual joke?" 

Kiv stared at Shay with growing amusement. For as angry as she was, she was still beautiful. In the years that passed since they last saw one another, Shay had matured and her beauty intensified. There were still some things that didn't change: the way her bottom lip pouted slightly when she was angry - that hadn't changed. The way she closed herself off when she was being stubborn - that hadn't changed either. Although there was one very glaring thing that Kiv noticed that _had_ changed. It was Shay's appearance. Her greasy, baggy boilersuit didn't suit her; not to him anyway. She didn't deserve to be covered in dirt, working on other people's ships. It didn't suit her whatsoever, and the attire didn't do much for her appearance. 

"May I talk?" he asked calmly. 

Shay crossed her arms over her chest. Upon sizing him up and judging his intentions, she gave a reluctant nod. "You have five minutes." 

Pleased with this, Kiv took another step forward. This time, Shay didn't object. "Let me start by first saying how sorry I am for everything that happened between us." 

Shay exhaled a groan and rolled her eyes. 

"I had _no idea_ you'd be here" he continued with resolve. "But here we are." 

"Yes. Here we are" Shay repeated, her tone flat and unamused. 

"What happened between us was a long time ago" Kiv said. "A lot of years have passed. Don't you think that perhaps I've changed? Haven't _you_ changed?" 

"Changing only counts if you change for the better" Shay told him. "Have you changed for the better, Kiv?" 

He was starting to lose his patience. "Have you?" His tone was laced with disapproval. "Look at you, Shay. Covered in dirt, wearing this... _rag_ of a uniform. You're better than this. You're a Pantoran. Pantorans don't wear rags and wait on others." 

"Excuse me?" Shay's eyes went round as she stared at him. "How _dare_ you talk to me like that!" 

"What happened to my princess?" Kiv crossed into her personal space, his gaze critical as he looked down at her. "What happened to the girl I knew?" 

Shay's face twisted with disgust. "She _grew up_ , that's what. She put others before herself and dedicated herself to something bigger." Standing there, all she could do was shake her head. "You pretend to know me, but it's clear now you _never_ did." 

This hit Kiv where it hurt. "So who really knows you, Shayavi?" A muscle in his jaw twitched. "Ohh...Let me guess. That smug flyboy. Does _he_ know you?" 

"You leave Poe out of this" she said, shoving a finger in his face. 

"Ahh. _Poe_ , is it?" Kiv raised an eyebrow. "First name basis, hmm?" 

Shay felt a new level of disgust erupt within her. She wanted nothing to do with him, and she wanted him to stay away from Poe, which also included the _topic_ of her and Poe. It wasn't any of his business, and she didn't owe him an explanation. "I want you to know something" she said, her voice filling with the loathing she felt in that moment. "This is _my_ home now. This is _my_ base. _My_ friends. _My_ ship. _My_ work." She pointed at Poe's X-wing nearby, but kept her eyes on Kiv. "And I want _you_ to stay as far away from me and my new life as you can." 

Kiv laughed, raising his hands as he did so. "Alright, Shayavi. So much for talking to you in a civilized manner." He turned to leave, but before he walked away, he looked back at her once more. "See you at the welcome party?" 

His expression turned arrogant, and his laughter was like a knife cutting through Shay's last nerve. She glared at him so harshly she could have burned a hole in his face. She didn't stop glaring at him until he disappeared beyond and only his lingering laughter could be heard. Once he was gone and there was no threat of him returning, Shay felt all the air in her lungs escape in one heavy exhale. She slid back down along the wall to the floor where she'd been sitting, her mind and body shocked at what had just transpired. 

After the initial shock wore off, Shay's new emotion was anger: hot and inflamed. Kiv's insults flung around in her mind, his words opening old wounds that hadn't hurt in years. 

And yes, what Kiv had said to her…it hurt.   
It shouldn't have hurt, but it did - and that's what angered her the most. 

  


* * *

  



	3. Chapter 3

The following morning, Poe and Shay manned their tandem X-Wing and headed off towards a ravine several hundred kilometers away from the base. The goal today was to get some terrain added into the lesson since they weren't doing any aiming practice. Today's lesson would involve maneuverability and handling, which was Poe's favorite thing to teach. 

D'Qar had quite a few different geological features on the planet, and the ravine that Poe had chosen was one he enjoyed flying to whenever things got too stressful at the base. In the past, he would take his ship and fly out here to clear his mind. Now that he had Shayavi to share such a thing with, he couldn't wait to take her there…even if it _was_ for a flying lesson. 

As the lesson progressed, Shay handled Poe's instructions with ease. Towards the end, however, Shay encountered some difficulty when it came to flying sideways through one of the narrowest parts of the ravine itself. Poe had her fly completely vertical through a rocky, uneven narrowing in the ravine. She was doing fine until she overcompensated on one of the turns and scraped two of the S-foils. A spray of rocks from the ravine showered down behind them as they came out the other side. Poe winced, feeling the body of the ship vibrate angrily. 

Beside him, Shay slammed a fist down on one of the cockpit's side panels. "Dammit! I should have had that." 

"Hey, it's alright" Poe said, lending a comforting hand to her shoulder. "You'll get it on the next pass." 

Her mouth set in a hard line as she eyed him from beneath her visor. "Let's do it again." 

Poe waved a hand. "Take the lead, babe." 

As Shay brought the ship back around the ravine, Poe kept his eyes locked on her. She was tense, he could see that; though he hadn't a clue why. Any other lesson, Shay felt and acted as free as a bird in flight. This morning was much different; she was bothered by something, and Poe wasn't entirely sure it had to do with him. Nothing was amiss the night before, and nothing seemed wrong prior to their lesson. Plus, it wasn't like he was grading her, and honestly: the ravine was way tighter than he remembered. He was surprised Shay made it through only scraping the foils. 

Now, she was biting her bottom lip in concentration as the narrow corridor approached them out ahead. Poe watched for any guidance he could give, feeling the ship turn on its side under Shay's control. 

"Remember what I told you about feeling through. Anticipate the movement before you even make the turn." 

"Don't worry" she said, her tone sharp and focused. "I got this." 

The corner of Poe's mouth lifted. If there was one thing he truly loved about the woman sitting next to him in the cockpit, it was her fortitude. 

Shay brought the X-wing in on its side, weaving through the undulating rock formations of the ravine, righting all of the wrongs she'd made on the last pass. When they got to the narrowest part, she expertly bobbed the ship to and fro, in and out of the rocky ledges. Poe braced himself in his seat as Shay brought the ship around the final barrier. From his years of flying, Poe could sense almost immediately that Shay was about to overcompensate the pass — and when she did, the scraping of metal on rock could have very well been the sound of her patience breaking. 

"FUCK" she shouted. 

"It's fine, Shay" Poe told her. "It's not an easy—" 

"—It _should_ be easy" she argued. Her lips were a tight, pale pink line of anger. "There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to do this." 

They shot out of the ravine and into the openness once more, and Shay tried to exhale all her frustrations out in a long, heavy sigh. She was as tense as she'd ever been, and she couldn't shake the unnerving feeling she had in her body. Her entire being was off balance, and she knew exactly why - and _that_ made her even angrier. 

Since they had emerged into a grassy, open field beyond the ravine, Shay extended the landing gear and brought the ship to rest on the ground. She killed the engines, and peaceful silence settled in. Leaning her head forward, she rested her helmet against the consoles and sighed. 

Poe looked at her with some unease. "Shay?" 

"Hmm?" Her voice was muffled against the console. 

Taking off his helmet, Poe leaned closer towards her. "This might be a wild stab in the dark here, but something tells me you're not okay..." 

Shay lifted her head, a reluctant smile spreading across her face. "What gave it away?" 

"You have a defeated look about you." His cheeks rose with delight. "My girl doesn't look defeated all that often, if ever." 

His phrasing made Shay feel somewhat better, as did the patient manner in which he was looking at her. Poe placed his hand on her back, rubbing gently. "If you're upset about the ravine back there, you shouldn't be..." 

"No, that's not it." This caused her to roll her eyes at herself. "I mean, yeah - I'm pissed about that, but that's not really it…" 

Poe's expression filled with concern. "Then what is it?" 

Shay looked down at her gloved hands and shook her head. Poe wished she would talk to him; he'd try to understand as best he could, and he'd do anything to make her feel better. 

"Shay…" he began, but she stopped him. 

"I ran into Kiv." Her gold eyes became troubled as she looked at him. The way her dark lashes and blue skin framed her eyes made them seem even larger. "He approached me the yesterday...in the hangar." 

Poe's jaw flexed. "If he so much as touched you…" 

"He didn't. Trust me," Shay said, quickly dousing the flame that had sparked inside Poe. "I'd never let him touch me. _Ever_. He just…." She shrugged scornfully. "You know…verbally attacked me instead." 

Anger fueled Poe's heart rate as he heard this. "What did he say to you?" 

"Mostly insults about my appearance." She stared at Poe, watching as his handsome face darkened. "How I've apparently changed. How I never 'used to be like this' back when he knew me. How I'm 'better than this' — working with the Resistance as a mechanic. Stuff like that." 

Sitting back in his chair, Poe rubbed his mouth with tense fingers. In his mind, he pictured the smug face of Kiv Neeshla, his arrogance and misplaced confidence, standing in front of his girlfriend while berating her. It made him want to break every bone in his face so he'd never be able to speak to her again. 

"I know I shouldn't let it bother me" Shay mentioned. "But it does. It _has_ been bothering me." 

Though he was afraid of the answer he might hear, Poe asked anyway: "Why has it bothered you so much?" He braced himself for an answer that might mean Shay was still interested in Kiv, or his opinion, or cared about how she looked to him - but none of those came. 

"Because I haven't changed" she answered. Her voice softened with sadness. "He _never_ knew me, Poe. What's worse is that I never realized until now that he really, truly, _never knew me_. He only knew whatever perception he had of me…and that perception was wrong." Sighing, Shay shook her head and looked down at her lap. "I'm embarrassed to say I was ever with him." She glanced sidelong at Poe. "What does that say about me?" 

Poe thought about this for a moment, weighing his words despite the anger he felt towards Kiv. "I think it says a lot about how _you've_ matured" he answered honestly. "Everyone's young and dumb once in their life." He smiled. "Even me." 

She chuffed. "Perhaps..." 

"How do we ever figure out what's good for us, if we don't first figure out what's wrong for us?" 

His eyes met hers, and Shay couldn't help but smile. "That's mighty deep for a pilot..." 

"Eh, I have my moments." 

They gazed at one another affectionately. Shay saw the truth behind Poe's dark eyes, but it was mixed with the tiniest hint of shyness that came out now and then whenever his cocky exterior gave way to his tender heart beneath. It was the side of Poe few got to see, but Shay had the pleasure of seeing it regularly. She counted herself lucky each and every time. 

With a finger, Poe motioned for her to come over to his side of the ship. Shay gave him a look, but he wiggled his finger even more. "Come onnn..." 

"There's no room, Poe!" 

"Pfft." He patted his lap. "You can squeeze onto this. I've seen you do it before." 

Pulling a face, Shay gave up and shimmied out of her pilot's chair. Poe leaned back in his, watching as she stepped awkwardly into his small space. She straddled her legs about his, settling into his lap. 

"Happy now?" she teased. 

"Very much so." He reached up and caressed her cheek. "Isn't this a little better for talking about this kind of stuff?" 

She was too stubborn to admit it, but Poe had somehow managed to make her smile, forget about Kiv, _and_ the damage to the ship she'd caused in her failed lesson - all in one go. He must have known he did, because the light in his eyes gave him away. 

"Nooowww, since I have you here..." Poe said, "I'm gonna get _real_ deep with you." 

"Oh boy" Shay replied with a laugh. 

"I mean it." Poe's grin faded slightly, his expression turning more sincere. "I want you to know you don't have to worry about Kiv. You don't have to worry about what he thinks, what _you_ think of him, why you bothered with dating him in the past - none of it. All that matters is what's ahead," he continued. "No sense in looking back and worrying about why we did the things we did in the past." 

Shay looked at him sympathetically, absorbing his words. "I agree." She trailed a finger along his jaw line to his chin, tipping it upwards. "After all, our choices brought us to this very moment, didn't they?" 

Poe admired her lovingly. "Absolutely." 

Their lips met in a kiss that was both soft and slow. In the midst of their embrace, Shay brought her head back away from Poe's curiously. 

He gazed up, wondering why she stopped. "What's wrong?" 

Shay sniffed, and then grimaced. "Smoke. Do you smell it?" 

Poe inhaled, finally getting a whiff of what alarmed Shay. "Oh yeah." He inhaled again and nodded. "Something's definitely on fire." 

They clambered over one another, fumbling to get out of the small area without getting tangled up in the process. Shay was the first one to emerge from the cockpit, hopping down onto the grass. She went around the side of the ship to find the source of the smoke. Her heart sank when she saw that not one, not two, but three of the four S-foils were smoking. 

Shay's mechanical mind was already running: smoking foils, damage to the accelerator cells, dented laser cannons…The list was piling up fast. She climbed up onto one of the foils and gloved the end of the laser tip, testing its strength. It was loose, but it would hold until they got back to the base. She could feel her shoulders slumping under the weight of the work she just made for herself. 

"How bad?" Poe asked, coming around to her side. 

With a jump, she landed back down onto the grass. "Not bad, but not great either. I've fixed worse." She shot Poe a sassy look, which he absorbed with a smirk of his own. 

"Very funny, Pewcha" he replied. 

She smiled at him, then gazed back up at the smoking frame of the ship. "It's been a long time since I last repaired a ship that _I_ wrecked." She slumped down onto the edge of the wing, her face landing in her hands. 

Poe took a seat next to her, his hand finding a comforting spot on the back of her neck. His fingers made tiny circular motions, rubbing her muscles of the tension she was holding there. "You'll get it next time, babe...when you get your focus back." 

Shay sat there wondering when that would exactly happen. Poe's fingers felt wonderful; she lowered her neck, enjoying the slow movement. She didn't realize she needed something so simple as a tiny massage. 

"Can I put in a request?" she asked, glancing back at Poe. "Can I get a full body one of these from you sometime?" 

He laughed, his entire face scrunching happily. "Any time you want." 

  


* * *

  


In time, Poe and Shay made it back to the base. It was going to be another beautiful day; the sky was opening up and the sun was warming everyone who steadily emerged onto the hangar flat just outside the base. Here is where the couple landed their ship, settling it to the ground in line among other ships on the tarmac. 

As Poe jumped down out of the X, he came around to Shay's side to lend a hand in helping her down. She didn't need the help, obviously - but chivalry wasn't dead when it came to him. Plus, he just enjoyed seeing her emerge from the cockpit of a ship. 

"I hate to run" Poe said as he guided her down. "But I kinda left myself a To-Do list a mile long before we left this morning." Shay's large eyes sized him up, though not without a tiny smirk. 

"If you didn't have time to fly this morning—" 

"—Ah, ah! None of that." Poe pressed his lips to hers quickly. "I have to meet with the General as well, so I may not see you until later. In the meantime, do _not_ let this lesson get to you." 

Shay gave him an understanding nod. "I'll try." 

"Don't let your mind get to running when you start fixing the ship." 

"I won't, Poe." 

"I mean it. Doesn't matter that you crushed a few of the Foils—" 

Shay slapped him on the shoulder and laughed. His teasing was meant to make her feel better, and once again, it did. "Get out of here before I crush more than a few S-Foils." 

Poe grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "See you later?" 

"You know it" said Shay, watching as Poe jogged off towards the base entrance. 

At the same time, BB-8 rolled around from the back of the ship, joining Shay's side. She glanced down at the droid. "You wanna help me fix all this crap I ruined?" 

The sound of several positive _hmmmms_ and _whirrppss_ gave her all the answer she needed. Poe could tease her all he wanted about the damage she caused, but both her _and_ his droid knew he'd caused way more issues to his own plane than she _ever_ would. 

"Alright, come along then" Shay said with a jerk of her chin. "Let's start on the wings and move towards whatever is wrong on the main body last." 

BB-8 rolled off to get her small bag of tools she always kept with her while Shay pulled her hair up into her usual ponytail. She wanted this to be quick, and she hoped no one would noticed she'd even caused any harm to the spare tandem ship. That hope to a screeching halt when she heard Jessika Pava's voice approaching from across the tarmac. 

"Hey! There you are!" 

Shay looked up from the bag of tools she was kneeling over, a smile appearing on her face. "Hey Jess, what's up?" 

The dark haired pilot approached the ship, her eyes wandering upwards along the S-Foils. Her face grimaced slightly. "Ew, what happened here?" Her eyes met Shay's. "Let me guess. Dameron?" 

With a laugh, Shay shook her head. "Believe it or not - it was me." 

"Wow." Jessika folded her arms over her chest with surprised admiration. " _Nice_!" 

"Nice job? Or a nice _change?"_ Shay joked. 

"Both, I'd say." Jess gave a little wink as she leaned against the X-wing. "So you two….You fly often?" 

Shay began to sort through the wrenches and pressure guns, handing what she chose to BB-8 to take up into the ship. "Yeah, whenever we can." She looked Jess with a hint of hesitation. "He's teaching me how to do what you guys do." 

"Damn, he _must_ love you" Jessika replied, watching Shay as she climbed up to one of the smoking wings. "I think it's really awesome that you found one another." 

Shay shot her a look. "Really?" 

"Yeah! Why not? Dameron's never been happier, and the entire squad thinks you're a bad ass…" Jess climbed up beside Shay and nudged her arm. "So yeah...Why not?" 

Humbled by the compliment, Shay focused her attention on the wing. "Well, I certainly appreciate that, Jess." 

Jessika was pleased by this, and it showed in her body language. "Good. Because I like you two. _A lot._ Especially since Dameron's last girl—" She stopped mid-sentence when she realized her mouth was moving faster than her brain. "—Erm, never mind. Probably don't want to hear about all that." 

"No worries, Jess." Shay smiled at her, giving her a silent 'thank you' with her eyes. In reality, after she and Poe talked together on their walk the other night, Shay was feeling slightly better about confronting the uncomfortable topic of exes. Still, she couldn't imagine, and didn't _want_ to imagine, who Poe was with last. Whoever it had been…Jessika obviously didn't like her. 

The pair of women fell silent as Shay worked on the wing, but Jessika's eyes moved across the tarmac to a group of passing recruits. Her attention hung on them for a second, so when she didn't say anything for a minute or so, Shay glanced up to see if something was wrong. 

"These recruits" Jessika mentioned, hoping to change the subject away from her slip-up. "What do you make of them?" 

_Where do I even begin_ , Shay thought. She handed a wrench to BB-8 and he handed her back a screwdriver. "It'll be nice to have more bodies around. All last week I spent time working on their ships, getting them ready to go. It'll be nice to finally hand them off to the newbies once and for all." 

"Speaking of which…" Jess knelt beside Shay and kept her voice low. "Have you met the Pantoran?" 

Shay's hands halted what they were doing at the mention of Kiv. She faltered only slightly, especially when she saw the concerned look in Jess's dark eyes. "I have." 

"Not speaking badly of Pantorans or anything, but he strikes me as odd." 

Shay cocked her head. "What do you mean?" 

Jessika glanced over her shoulder, making sure the group of recruits had gone far enough away to be out of earshot. "I don't think he's one of the pilots, but he spends a lot of time in the hangar. In fact, every time I've ever seen him, he's been in the hangar. Hanging around the ships and stuff. Just looking around." 

"By himself or with the rest of his group?" Shay asked. She felt her heart beating faster, though she couldn't understand why. The look on Jessika's face, which was almost always appeared genial and alive with humor, now seemed more concerned than she let on. 

"Usually by himself, but not always. I've seen him alone three times now in the past few days. I don't know, I just….I just get a weird vibe from him." Jess held out an open-faced hand to Shay. "But that's not a knock on Pantorans, I swear." 

Shay chuckled. "Weirdoes exist in every race, Jess...especially Pantorans" she joked. "I know what you mean." 

"Good." Jess' gaze turned back to the recruits. "The rest seem cool. The pilots especially." 

"Not that you're bias or anything" Shay said with a flick of her eyebrow. 

"Oh no, not at all." With that, Jessika stood. "Anyways, I've rambled enough. I'll leave you to it, Pewcha. Let me know if you need an extra hand." 

"You got it" she said. "Thanks Jess." 

Pava jumped down from the wing and left Shay alone with BB-8 once more. Shay's thoughts lingered on what Jess had told her about Kiv. She believed every word Jessika had told her; something was definitely odd about Kiv's behavior. She wondered if he was hanging around the ships trying to see her…did he want to talk to her again? 

_Doesn't matter anyway_ , Shay thought with a shake of her head. _He said what he needed to say. The damage has been done._

A flare of anger sparked in her. She twisted off the rotor cuff of the laser cannon harder than she wanted, and the entire tip came flying off. Below her, BB-8 chirped a very distinguishable _ohhh noooo_. 

Shay sighed and rubbed her face. "You didn't have any other plans the rest of the day, did you BB-8?" 

The droid shook it's domed head 'no' and extended all of his tool bays excitedly, showing Shay that he was all hers. The little display made her laugh. 

"Well that's very good news for us both" she told him. "Because it looks like we're gonna be here a while." 

  


* * *

  


"You have to reassign him" Poe told General Organa. They were alone in her office; Leia at her desk, him standing before her, index finger tapping the desk's surface. "I can't oversee him. I _won't_ oversee him." 

Leia was shaking her head, listening but not agreeing. "Poe, you know I can't just reassign a new recruit?!" 

"Why not?" He stood to his full height, arms crossed over his chest. "Tell me one good reason why you can't." 

"Tell _me_ one good reason why I _should_ " Leia replied smartly. 

Poe laughed. "Oh - just one? Or would you like several?" 

"Whatever you have the time to tell me." She glanced down at her watch, then back to Poe. "Turns out, I only have 30 seconds." 

He leaned over the desk again, arms extended, leveling with her with his stare. "General, he's Shayavi's ex-boyfriend. Isn't this an inherent conflict of interest?" 

Leia lifted her hands. "For whom, exactly?" She watched with humor and adoration for the way Poe began to pace uneasily. 

"I...I don't...Listen, I just-" 

"-Poe. Slow down." 

He stopped and faced her. "Can I be upfront here?" 

Leia nodded. "Please." She wondered what he thought he was being up until this point. 

"I don't trust the guy." Poe set his jaw. "He obviously hurt Shay, and you know how I feel about that. He's confronted her already. _Insulted_ her. He has no respect for her - and I have _no_ respect for _him._ Tell me, General: how can I fight alongside someone I can't possibly respect?" 

Leia understood the emotions Poe was attempting to handle. She'd been there before more times than she cared to admit, back when she was a lot younger and a lot less wise. She empathized with him; she really did. But one thing Poe needed to learn was to manage all the emotions he had inside him. They were his blessing _and_ his curse, especially if he didn't rein them in. Above all else, she needed him to learn this crucial lesson. 

"You know as well as I do that we need every warm body we can get." She kept her voice even and gentle, acknowledging the anxiety he was feeling. "How can I do anything but make sure he stays?" 

He sighed and hung his head. "I understand your position." 

"And I understand yours." 

Poe lifted his eyes. "Do you?" 

"You seem to have forgotten who I married" she said with a smirk. "Trust me, _I know_." 

He felt himself ease a little. In all of this, he forgot what a legend General Organa was...not just for her time fighting against the evil in the galaxy, but for marrying one of the most notable, if not _the_ most notable pilots to ever fly in the Rebellion. His respect for her knew no limits. 

Leia sat back in her chair and studied Poe closely. His energy was scattered, frightened, and looking for a quick fix. He seemed so young then; always carrying more than he needed to on his shoulders. "Poe?" 

Beneath his dark brow, his eyes centered on her, awaiting command. Leia wished he would relax more; not everything had to be so formal with her. 

"May I offer a...suggestion?" she said, choosing her phrasing carefully. 

Poe stood a little more at attention. "Of course, General." 

"If you're concerned about the Pantoran's history, for whatever reason..." She hesitated, making sure he read between the lines, "then show him WHYyou have nothing to worry about. Secondly, erase _all_ comparison. This isn't a competition. We're all on the same side." 

Leia's advice was exactly what Poe expected to hear, for which he was very appreciative. However, when Leia stood and came around the desk and placed a hand on his arm, it was something he _didn't_ expect. 

"I'm not asking you to like the guy," Leia told him. "Just...don't spend your present living in the past. None of us have that kind of time." 

Poe understood. In fact, it hit a little too close to home, considering what he and Shay had discussed after her recent flying lesson. Leia's words humbled him, and he took her advice to heart. 

"Thank you, General" he said, hoping she heard the gratitude in his voice. 

She must have, because the smile she wore was brighter than the sun itself. With both hands, she motioned for him to leave. "Be on your way then. I've got other messes to clean up." 

Poe couldn't help but grin. With a final nod, he took leave of her office. 

  


* * *

  



	4. Chapter 4

From her position above him, Shay could see every flinch of Poe's face, every bite he took of his bottom lip, every time his eyes shut as he moaned furiously beneath her. From this position, she could adjust her speed, his depth, and drive him utterly crazy. From this position, she thought she might cum too quickly. He filled her to the point that it barely took much; every nerve was alive and on fire whenever she rode him. Given how wide and boxy Poe was built, her legs really had to spread to straddle him and often, she became sore rather quickly, but tonight was different. Tonight, she could go like this forever…but she wanted more. 

Leaning forward, Shay's mouth found Poe's, his moans filling her throat as their breaths mingled. She broke the kiss, but kept the pad of her thumb pressed to his lips. "I want you from behind" she uttered, kissing him again. 

Poe's dark brow flicked upward as he eyes found hers. "Yeah?" He was breathless, his hips still thrusting even though she'd come to a stop. 

"Yes" she purred. He looked surprised but elated, which made her smile. 

In one solid move, Poe swung himself over Shay as she found herself on her back. A devilish grin spread across his sweat-stained face. "On your stomach." 

Shay obeyed the lustful command. She closed her eyes as she felt Poe's hands grip the soft flesh of her hips, waiting for the moment he slipped inside. Instead, she felt something much different: his warm breath trailing upward along the back of her thighs. His stubble scraped gently over her skin; her sensitivity peaking as her craving for him doubled. When she felt Poe's tongue lap at her folds, she moaned his name. 

Poe licked her again. Deeper. Slower. Dragging his stubble ever-so-gently over her. When Shay squirmed, he applied even more pressure. The fact that she couldn't see him made it even hotter. She could hear his deep voice and felt the soft vibration of his moans against her skin. Knowing Poe was enjoying this as much as her took it to another level. Soon, Shay's breathing became panting, her hips rolling over Poe's mouth as he worked her. She could feel him smiling against her sex, working her into a frenzy she hadn't originally been prepared for. Just when she thought she had all the control, Poe proved her otherwise and she _always_ reaped the benefits. 

Her hands shot out from under her to grab at her bedsheets, and that's when she thought she was about to lose herself to the skills of his tongue, but Poe was a master with her body. He sensed her urgency and climbed on top of her, easing himself into her tightness. He sunk his full length into the warmth of her core with a sigh. Resting his chest against her back, Poe nibbled her neck as he worked his hips against hers, delivering thrust after thrust, each one deeper than the last. 

" _Fuck_ , Shay" he exhaled. He wiped the hair back from her face so he could kiss her, his mouth aligned with her ear as he concentrated on delivering even more power through his hips. Something animalistic came over him then, and Shay never felt anything better. 

" _Harder."_ It came out as a whimper; Shay begging him to take what was left of her body and claim it as his own. 

Poe grunted, answering the call. Together, they discovered a newfound level of passion. Shay's cries of pleasure was a blissful song Poe wanted to play over and over, and if this is how he could do it - he'd never stop as long as he could help it. 

Sweat ran down Poe's forehead, his hair limp over his brow as he delivered the final strokes that would end the both of them. He grit his teeth and held out until he felt Shay's body erupt into a sweet release. After that, he could hold on no longer. Feeling his own body shudder, he called her name as his fingers dug into her hips. When he felt the last of himself drain from him, he collapsed on top of her. 

Neither moved for some time, each taking those precious minutes to catch their breath. Their bodies were glistening and slick as they remained connected, their ragged breathing the only sound in the room. Poe lay his head next to Shay's, his lips caressing the skin of her neck lazily. When he finally came out of his post-coital daze, he shifted his full weight off of Shay and rolled onto his back beside her. 

For Shay, she found it slightly harder to move. The sheer force of their love-making, combined with the weight of Poe's sturdy body, had done a number on her. She was stiff, but blissfully so. After some urging by her mind, she finally pushed her tired body over and found her spot in the crook of Poe's open arm. He was smiling when he looked down at her, and became even happier when he was met with a fairly large smile of her own. "Look at that smile" he uttered, kissing her forehead. 

"I feel amazing" Shay replied. " _That_ felt amazing." 

With a smile, Poe smoothed back her sex-tangled hair, exposing more of her face in which to kiss. He was proud he could make her feel as good as he did, but the words of encouragement were always a bonus. To say they were a perfect match - in every sense of the word - was an understatement. The flushed look on Shay's face was proof enough that their bodies were meant for each other. He hugged her closer, clutching her head against his chest. "Where'd all that energy come from anyways?" 

"I just needed to feel you" she told him, idly tracing a circle around his chest. "I mean _really_ feel you." 

"And did you?" 

They looked at one another and shared a chuckle. Shay reached up and tapped his nose, letting him really know what a silly question that was. Poe thanked her with another kiss to the forehead. 

Whatever leftover anger Shay felt about her run-in with Kiv had disappeared. She considered that perhaps it was the free feeling she felt after she and Poe had talked about it. Moreso, she realized she finally found someone who really, truly, _did_ know her - and there was no better feeling than that. 

And here she was, lying in her lover's protective arms, a delightful feeling of pressure still lingering between her legs marking where he'd been. His fingers were in her hair, his cheek resting against the top of her head. She sighed, and it was a happy sigh. Nothing could ruin the moment. 

Poe felt Shay's exhale against his bare skin and glanced down. "Sleepy?" 

"Just happy." 

He smiled. "Good." He nuzzled his nose next to her temple and placed a kiss there. "Hungry?" He felt Shay smirking against his chest. 

"Are you?" 

"Ehhhh..." He wiggled his hand in front of her and she laughed. 

"What time is it, anyway?" 

"Time for food." 

_Men,_ Shay thought. As much as she didn't want to, she pushed herself up to face Poe. His dark eyes were smiling at her now, looking slightly mischievous. The sweat was fading from his brow but his tan skin still appeared pink in the cheeks. If there was ever a time Poe looked the most vulnerable, it was post-sex. 

"Aren't you supposed to be helping get things ready for the welcome party thing tomorrow night?" she asked him. 

" _Technically_ , yes...But I told Snap to man the wheel on that one." He reached out and wound a strand of her hair around his finger. "It's not like I have to be on time...I'm only in charge of the booze." 

"Of course you're in charge of that," she said with a laugh. 

Poe gave her hair a playful warning tug. "Did I mention it was time to eat?" 

Shay leaned in and allowed her lips to linger on his for a slow but indulgent kiss. As Poe closed his eyes, he opened his mouth to her - but Shay pulled back. 

"Are you planning on going to the party?" 

Poe's lips remained parted. "Yeah...I guess? I mean, I _should_ go..." He nipped at Shay's bottom lip, wanting to taste her again but she tipped her head back again. 

"Have you found a date to the party yet?" 

"Hmm..." His eyes flirted with her, roaming down her naked body in response. "I'm pretty sure I have..." 

She tipped his chin up, forcing his gaze back to hers. "So it's a date, then?" 

"It's a date." 

Shay smiled against Poe's mouth as they kissed. _No_ , she thought, _nothing in the entire galaxy could ruin this moment._

  


* * *

  


Aside from the 20-some new recruits that recently joined the Resistance, morale was high and had been high, and Leia knew it. Morale was essential to keeping the spark alive within the Resistance, and since that very spark was renewed by recent victories and by the incoming flux of new members, it was important she keep the high going for as long as she could. 

So, despite obvious structural limitations within the D'Qar Resistance base, they still made do with conjuring up a makeshift dance floor of sorts within the mess hall area. Some of the seating was left along the perimeter of the large room, but most was moved out of the way. Various squadrons put together a music playlist of personal favorites; some of which would prove to be comical selections the rest of the Resistance would come to enjoy when they heard it. 

A temporary bar was constructed, with plenty of the base's best alcohol supplied. If everyone was going to unwind, they were going to do so properly. 

When General Organa took a good look around at how the preparations were coming, she was very pleased. It should be a nice night, and a good way to celebrate their victories with all the new recruits getting to know everyone there. 

There was no dress code, obviously - but it was an event that many spent time getting ready for just because they could. It reminded those on base of a time in their life before the war, when celebrations were more common and life was more easy-going. Whether anyone had to 'dress up' for the event or not, some chose to just because it felt different from dressing in a uniform every day. Leia had hoped that would happen. Any sense of normalcy in a time of war was necessary. 

When the night of the party finally arrived and Poe showed up at Shay's door, he couldn't wait to see what she'd chosen to wear. They both agreed not to be over-the-top, but they wanted to recreate something close to when they had gone out together on Pantora. Since that night had been cut dramatically short, both of them hoped tonight would be their "second chance". 

When Shay appeared in the open doorway, Poe was once again blown away by how different she looked, and how _beautiful_ she looked. She wore a simple, short, dak purple dress with a deep-V cut down the front. The dark color complimented her blue skin and violet hair in the most alluring of ways, highlighting her unique beauty. The V-neck didn't hurt either, as he was fast discovering as he eyes followed the long lines down the front of her body. 

Shay leaned against the doorframe, crossing one heeled foot over the other. "Hey Handsome." 

Poe ran a hand through his hair, his eyes traveling the length of her legs to her high heels. He wasn't going to make it the whole night, at this rate. "Hello Beautiful." He silently wished that his dick would settle down, for at least the first half of the evening. 

"Come in" Shay said. "I'm almost ready...just gotta put on the finishing touches." 

She didn't get far once they were both inside. Poe's arms pulled her flush against him, his hands coming to rest on the curve of her ass. He kissed her neck and soon, her fingers sunk deep into his hair. "Poe..." He smelled faintly of her favorite cologne. Masculine. Sexy. It was making his sudden affection harder to object. 

"Hmm?" His voice was a soft hum against her skin as he drew his lips back along her jaw line. 

"Save this for after" Shay said with a smirk. His lips silenced her; his full pout too delicious to resist. If he kept going, she was going to lose this battle and they'd never make it to the party. 

Poe broke their embrace guiltily. "Sorry...I can't help myself with you sometimes." 

"And I love you for it" she replied, giving him a final kiss. 

Unwillingly, Poe unlocked his arms from Shay's waist, watching as she stepped away and into the refresher. Again, he had to silently coach his growing hard-on back to a normal state while she finished. 

As he waited for Shay to finish up, he stepped in front of her mirror and took a second look at himself. He'd chosen a dark navy shirt tonight, which went perfectly with Shay's ensemble. He straightened the lapel, feeling confident and sharp. Though most of Black Squadron now knew he and Shay were officially an item, it still pleased him to know that he and Shay would look like a true couple tonight. He'd be the proudest guy there with a woman like her on his arm. And when Shay was finished and ready to go, that's exactly how they appeared together: arm in arm together walking into the converted mess hall. 

It didn't take long for every one to settle into the welcome party and start to really have a good time. It wasn't the most glamorous affair, but no one wanted it to be. It reflected the right amount of organic spirit that was inherent to the Resistance. To everyone there, it was just right. 

The scene around the darkened mess hall was a hodge podge of various groups of people, both sitting and standing. Two tables were pushed together as a heated game of sabbac ensued. Loud cheers and equally loud sighs rose into the air as each hand was dealt and the losers and winners were declared. 

In between groups sitting about, music played and liquor was served. Soon enough, as more and more spirits were indulged, more and more people began to dance. In no time, the place really turned into a party. 

Poe, Shay, and the rest of Black Squadron took up their own table; beer glasses in everyone's hands and refills a-plenty. Discussions of old war stories were told while Wexley kept the beer flowing, ensuring the new pilot recruits who joined them at the table had their refills first. 

Poe slid his glass sideways for Wex to refill, never skipping a beat in his story. "But do you know why Bodhi was _such_ a legend? Such an _absolute fucking_ LEGEND?" 

Shay moved her eyes over the rest of the group who sat huddled over their drinks, visibly enthralled by Poe's drunken story. 

"Not only did this man...no, no - this _Legend_...blow through Scarif like it was nothing..." He held up a finger while he drained his glass of beer before finishing. "Not only did he do that" he said with a swallow, "but he did it after he _defected_ from the Empire _._ The _Empire_! _"_

Wexley slammed an open palm on the table. "Fucking legend!" 

"Fucking LEGEND" Poe repeated, excited by Snap's enthusiasm. He raised his glass high in the air. "TO BODHI ROOK!" 

Shay and the rest of the Squadron raised their beer glasses and cheered. It was endearing to her just how enamored Poe was with the pilots of the Rebellion days. The way his face lit up, the slight rise in the pitch of his voice, the overall air of nostalgia he wished he was a part of: all of it gave Shay a vision of a small boy in the aftermath of the Empire, listening to these tales and wanting to become one in his own right. Shay found the whole thing to be both alluring and sexy. 

Reaching over beneath the table, she slid her hand up Poe's lap. The look on his face was a mixture of pleasant surprise and increased desire. 

"What are you doooiinngg" he murmured with flirty interest. His eyes centered solely on her while everyone else seemingly disappeared around him. 

Shay smiled coyly. "What does it feel like I'm doing?" She went far enough up to rub the thickness waiting for her beneath his pants, garnering a sly smirk from him. 

"Hey! You two love birds!" Karé called, half-laughing as she said it. She was all smiles as Poe and Shay turned their attention back to the group. "You guys up for some shots?" 

"Hell yeah, what do you take us for?" Poe replied. He gave a little wink at Shay, his hand squeezing hers and letting her know they'd be continuing this later. 

As Kun mentioned shots, Wex was already in the process of handing out a tray of shots to everyone seated there. When each person had their own small glass, Wex took his seat in between Poe and Jessika and raised his glass. 

"To my brothers and sisters at this table" he began, "I just want to say: I love you fuckers." He received a chorus of head nods and reciprocated echoes of love. His smile beamed now as he turned to the few new pilots seated across from him. "And as for you recruits? I can't _wait_ to fuck with you all in the air. I'm getting tired of fucking with this guy." He thumbed at Poe beside him, who took the joke in stride, though not without a smirk and an eyebrow raise. 

"To the future!" Wex said in conclusion. 

" _To the future!_ " everyone echoed. 

They raised and clinked their glasses, then downed the fiery liquid in unison. Poe and Shay knocked back the liquor with ease, their eyes finding one another as they slammed the glasses down onto the table. 

"To the future, baby girl" he whispered to Shay. 

"To _our_ future" she whispered back. 

Poe couldn't help but feel good. He was well on his way to being delightfully drunk, and Shay was looking beautiful. It was the first time he got to 'bring someone' with him to an event, not that there were many events on base anymore. To say he was proud was a gross understatement. 

And if Poe was pleasantly drunk, Shay wasn't far behind. She stared into his round, beautiful eyes, so full of energy and desire. It was a bonus that Poe was a friendly drunk. Flirty and handsy as well - which she also loved - but he was friendly to everyone. Always had a smile on his face no matter what, and no matter who he spoke to. It was fun to watch, but tonight it would be even more fun to take back to her room. 

Shay nuzzled her nose next to Poe's and stole a quick kiss. 

What neither realized was that Kiv was watching them from across the room. 

  


* * *

  


As Poe and Shay looked into each other's eyes at their table, Kiv stood watching them with growing distaste. He found himself in a small group of other recruits, most of which were having a great time. Kiv, on the otherhand, was too distracted: not just by the music, the drinking, the constant introductions, or even by the presence of his ex girlfriend in the room...but with his task at hand. This task - the reason he'd come to D'Qar \- was becoming a constant nagging in the back of his mind. The longer he waited to find a good time to put his task into action, the louder the nagging became. 

Now, as he stood alongside a bunch of the others, pretending he cared about the Resistance and their cause, Kiv's nagging task was reaching an all-time high. He felt like he was wasting time, even though tonight was not the night he would put his plan into action. No, he would wait...just a little longer. With too many people gathered in one spot, it definitely wasn't the best time. 

He brooded over his drink, taking another long swig as his eyes went back to the table where Black Squadron sat. His attention fell first upon Shayavi; the one unforeseen challenge he hadn't accounted for in all his planning. She wasn't supposed to be here. Never in a million years would he have guessed he would see her again, let alone here. Studying her from afar, Shayavi seemed to be accepted among the pilots; talking with each of them and laughing together over whatever topic was at hand. She looked gorgeous too, which was a distraction in and of itself. Kiv was no idiot. Shay knew what she was doing. He could see the look of lust in Commander Dameron's eyes whenever he looked at her and Kiv understood that desire; he used to know it all too well. 

Feeling his blood begin to boil, Kiv took another long drink. All night he suffered through stories of just how much of a _hero_ this Commander Dameron was. How brave he was. How he was the best the Resistance had. How he would sacrifice even himself for the Resistance. It sickened Kiv to hear, but he plastered on his best smile to ensure no one picked up on it. Kiv was no stranger to acting the part when he needed to, but he was quickly becoming exhausted. 

To be honest, the more Kiv saw of the arrogant flyboy, the more he disliked him. He was too sure of himself; the way he carried himself as though he was everyone's friend and confidant. From the smug smile, the straightened spine, the rugged exterior...who was he fooling? 

_Not me,_ thought Kiv sourly. _I won't be fooled by the shiny exterior. He wants exactly the same thing we all want._

As the music changed over to something slower, his eyes were drawn back to Commander Dameron, who was now pulling Shayavi by the hand from their table. She was all giggles as he swept her into his arms, one hand clasped in his, the other poised on her back. The Commander's grin softened to a subtle smile. As they danced, they pressed their foreheads together. 

It was enough to gag Kiv, but he held the bile down. Turning away from them, he went back to the bar for a refill. 

  


* * *

  


"Who knew you could dance so well?" murmured Shay. 

Poe cradled her hand against his chest as they swayed. "I like surprising you every now and then." He looked at Shay with a dreamy gaze; drunk on love as much as he was beer. "I like being like this with you." 

"I do too." Whether it was the alcohol or not, Shay realized she was staring into Poe's eyes like a smitten schoolgirl. She draped both arms over his shoulders, scratching lightly at the curls near the nape of his neck. "Almost like there isn't a war going on..." 

Poe laughed softly, remembering this from their conversation the night they went for a walk. He gave a nod and a smile. "Like we're the only ones in the galaxy?" 

"Mmm hmm." 

"I'd be alright with that." 

Shay couldn't help but smile. It was true. Despite the number of people that packed the room around them and the pairs of Resistance members who danced around them, the couple once again felt like they were the only ones around. 

Dipping his head, Poe allowed his mouth to connect with Shay's. His lips were warm and wet, with just a hint of alcohol mingling between them. Shay drank him in, tasting him, the scent of his cologne making it harder for her to pull away when she did. 

Poe's eyes were heavily lidded as he looked upon her. "Having fun so far?" His thumb brushed across her cheekbone lovingly. 

"Of course. Like you said - it's nice to be like this with you." She glanced aside bashfully. "I can't remember the last time I danced with anyone." 

One of Poe's eyebrows flicked upward in surprise. "Is that so?" His arms tightened protectively around her waist. "Then it's my honor to be able to sweep you off your feet" he said, and with this - he dipped Shay back into a low dip, holding her in place as he kissed her. 

Taken completely by surprise, Shay couldn't help but giggle. In another quick move, Poe lifted her back up into his arms, her hair coming to rest about her shoulders. He gave her a look that said _see?_ And Shay could only laugh. 

"You're just too smooth for me" she joked, and then rewarded Poe with yet another kiss. 

The song came to an end, and was replaced by a much peppier, fast-paced tune. Pairs of lovers split up, and a throng of other individuals filled the makeshift dance floor. Soon, Poe and Shay found themselves in the middle of a clamor of bodies. 

"I should run to the refresher" Shay told him, raising her voice a little above the music. "You grab some refills in the meantime?" 

Poe was already on it, backing away from her with only their fingers touching. "You got it, babe." 

Shay held on until the last second, then watched as he headed through the group of dancers and back to the bar. He wasn't the tallest member in the Resistance, but he carried himself proudly, and his solid stature was a thing to behold from behind. Her eyes lowered shamelessly down Poe's body, enjoying how nicely his pants hugged his ample backside. 

Feeling content, buzzed, and in love, Shay turned and hurried off to the refresher. 

  


* * *

  


Since it was still the mess hall that the welcome party was being held in, it wasn't actually a _real_ bar that Poe was making his way towards...although he did think Snap had done a fine, fine job at constructing one out of spare tables and shelves. It was small and rather cozy at that moment, with plenty of bodies piled in to get their refills. 

Poe greeted a few of those around, managing a spot near the center of the bar as he talked with one of the pilots from Yellow Squadron. Since he fell into conversation, he didn't realize that Kiv was standing off to his left. It wasn't until Poe finished talking with the pilot and turned to face the bar that he saw Kiv was even there. 

"Ahh! Well, well." Poe's voice was laden with sarcasm. "If it isn't my new pal Kiv from the hangar." 

Kiv merely stared at him, not taking the pilot's bite at comedy. 

Poe blinked and looked away. "Orrrr not..." 

They were the only two men at the bar who stood there in silence as they waited for their drinks. It was awkward as hell, and the fact that Poe was drunk didn't help that much. He tapped his fingers on the table, thought about whistling a tune but then thought against it, then looked back at Kiv. "Having a good time tonight?" 

"Actually, I'm not." 

Poe sucked on his teeth. "Too bad." 

There was a pause. 

"It's for the recruits, ya know" Poe told him. "As in...you?" 

"I know what it's for" Kiv said, passing him a sidelong glance. 

_What's with this guy_ , Poe thought, tapping his fingers on the table again. He was just drunk enough to keep on Kiv, but he really just wanted his refills and to get as far away from him. After what Shay told him, he wanted nothing to do with the guy. 

"You sure look like _you're_ having fun" Kiv mentioned irritably. 

This drew Poe's attention back with some shock. Not only was he not expecting Kiv to say anything to him, he certainly wasn't expecting him to give away that he'd been watching him. 

He faced Kiv with an air of pride. "Yeah, actually I am having fu—" 

"—Let me ask you something, Commander." Kiv readjusted his stance so that he was face to face with Poe. He looked down at him with bitter regard. "When Shayavi cums, does she still curl her toes?" 

The question was so preposterous that at first, Poe's drunken brain didn't compute it. He exhaled a laugh out of shock. " _What_?" 

Kiv stood at his full height now. He had about two or three inches on Poe, which forced the pilot to look up at him. "Better yet - does she still do that thing...you know, where she whimpers right before she cums _really_ hard?" He smirked. "Or have you not gotten her to that point yet?" 

Poe's brain barely had time to react to the motion of his own fist. His knuckles met with the jaw of Kiv with a _crack,_ sending the Pantoran stumbling backward in shock. His spine rapped against the bar, toppling unattended glasses and gathering everyone's attention. Poe felt the rage inside him surfacing like lava. His eyes bore into Kiv, challenging him with a cold stare. 

As Kiv regained his stance, he felt along his jaw for damage. When he finally looked at Poe, a moment of silence passed between the two men… 

…and then Kiv tackled Poe to the ground. 

  


* * *

  



	5. Chapter 5

Shay had no idea what was transpiring at first. She'd just emerged from the refresher, stopping briefly to chat with a few friends who were seated nearby. As she was on her way back to her table, she saw commotion near the bar area. Bodies were moving to form a loose circle, some were also yelling, others were rushing from nearby tables to see what was happening. 

A sickening feeling stirred in Shay's gut as she trotted forward, moving through the people clustered together to see what was happening. Two men were fighting, that much was clear. As she neared, Shay saw right away that one of the men fighting was Kiv. His blue body was pinned beneath another person. Once she saw the mop of jet black hair on the opposing fighter, Shay's heart leapt into her throat. 

_"Poe?!"_ Her amber eyes widened in fright. "POE!" 

Kiv was rising to his feet to take a swing at Poe. With embarrassing ease, Poe blocked the shot with his arm, throwing his opposite fist back at Kiv. He took the punch to his right cheek, the force of it knocking him back into a set of bystanders. 

"STOP!" Shay got between the two men, keeping them away from one another as she stood in the middle. "Poe, stop!" Her attention went to him, his eyes ablaze with hate as he stared down Kiv beyond her. 

"If you EVER talk about my girlfriend like that AGAIN—" 

"Stop!" Shay yelled, grabbing him by the collar. "Look at me, Poe. Look at me!" She put her hands on Poe's chest, steadying him and giving him something else to focus on. She could feel his labored heartbeat beneath her hands. His dark eyes were slow to peel away from Kiv, but he finally did. His face was red with suppressed rage, blood emerging from a split in his bottom lip. Whatever started the fight, Shay could only imagine. Now was not the time to ask questions. She needed to get Poe out of there before this went any further. 

Wex was also on the scene and helping to mitigate the situation at the same time. Shay could hear him behind her, wrangling Kiv back with his arms locked behind him. As Snap led him away, Kiv continued yelling something at Poe, and Shay heard her name at least once, if not twice. Poe made like he was going to push past Shay and take off after him again, but she held him back. "Poe, NO. Let him go!" 

Poe gritted his teeth in an effort to remain silent. "He's a _fucking asshole_ " he yelled, directing it loudly enough for Kiv to hear as Wex lead him out of the mess hall. He exhaled hard, adjusting his shirt angrily. "Piece of SHIT." 

Shay was slowly losing her patience. The last thing she _ever_ wanted was violence like this, especially since it seemed she was involved. She cupped Poe's face, drawing his eyes back to hers. " _HE_ doesn't matter, okay?" She ran the pad of her thumb over the angry bruise on his cheek. "None of this matters." 

Poe's eyes cooled a little as his anger began to diminish. The longer Shay held his face, the more he connected with her gentle touch. It brought him out of his drunken anger and back to the present. He shook his head, tension still visible in his neck and jaw. "He shouldn't have said what he said about you." 

For as confused and angry as she was, Shay felt her heart go out to him. Her inebriated brain was struggling to handle all of this in so short a time. "It doesn't matter what he said. I don't care about him." Her eyes lowered to Poe's beautiful mouth, now dark with blood. It would need medical attention...and soon. "Only you." She tried to smile at him, and was relieved to see something in his eyes concede. "Come on; let's go back to my place. I'll get you fixed up." 

By now, the music had stopped and the lights were drawn. The members of Black Squadron had assembled around the pair, making sure Poe and Shay were alright. Poe waved them off, giving his attention only to Shay as she lifted his arm around her shoulders. He may not have needed it, but he didn't argue the gesture. He wanted her touch and her comfort. He wanted to know she loved him and him only. 

Together, they walked towards the exit, ignoring everyone who gawked at them. It was at this point that General Organa, in all her fury, stood beyond the mess hall doorway with her arms folded over her chest. She looked none too pleased as Shay led Poe into the hallway. 

"Sleep it off tonight, Dameron" she told him, her dark eyes boring into him as they passed. "First thing tomorrow morning: I expect you in my office." 

"I'll see that he's there" Shay told Leia as they passed. 

General Organa nodded, though her eyes never left Dameron. Even as they turned the corner of the hall, she continued to stand there assessing what this meant going forward for her, Dameron, and the Pantoran recruit. 

  


* * *

  


Shay applied the last of the biobacta to Poe's cheek, pressing the gelatinous substance into place with a swab. The bruise on his cheekbone was swelling faster now, threatening to open the cut larger than it currently was. Shay decided to give it one more coat of bacta, just in case. 

On the edge of her bed sat Poe, arms over his knees as he accepted her medical help. His eyes never left hers, even though she wouldn't look at him. 

"Shay…" 

"No, Poe. Just be quiet." Her eyes briefly met his before going back to the mark on his cheek. "And sit still." 

He smiled. "I am sitting still." 

"You know what I mean." 

She was angry. Poe couldn't blame her. Truth be told, Kiv deserved every last punch and then some for what he heard come out of his mouth, and while Poe didn't regret fighting him, he did regret that Shay had to witness it. 

"You're tensing up again" Shay said almost immediately, sensing the anger that was reblooming within him. "If it hurts—" 

"—No, it…..it feels good." Poe studied her with muddled affection. "You're good at this." 

Shay saw the longing in his eyes. There was a flicker of inebriated humor in their color, but it was fading fast. Whatever leftover anger Poe had was now giving way to weariness. 

She moved on to the split in his lip, swapping out her cotton swab for a wet cloth. The blood on Poe's lips had dried to a dark maroon patch; their ample perfection now temporarily maimed. The whole thing was so senseless, it made her angry. 

Poe's gaze softened with worry as he stared at her. "What are you thinking about?" 

Shay's focus lowered to his mouth and she shook her head. "I don't like seeing you injured." Bringing the wet cloth up to his lip, she allowed her eyes to connect with his. "Especially here." She dabbed the cloth to his lip timidly. 

Reaching out, Poe carefully held Shay's hand as his mouth brushed across hers. His kiss was cautious and exploratory; he wanted to ensure he didn't make her anger worse. When he pulled back, he saw in her golden eyes nothing but love…and it made him smile. 

Shay saw his expression brighten and she sighed. "What am I going to do with you…" she said, bringing the cloth back up to his mouth. 

"You could tell me you still love me" he uttered. 

"Of _course_ I still love you." She carefully dabbed away all traces of dried blood from around his mouth, using extra care around the split itself so as not to encourage fresh bleeding. "Even _if_ you got in a fight in the middle of a party that was going very well up until then." 

"Hmm...Point taken." He looked at her with good-humored agreement. "Although he _did_ deserve it." 

"I have no doubt." 

Shay's response made him want to smile again but he refrained, especially since she was working on his lip. "I should say thank you, by the way." 

Her fingers gently turned his head to the side, forcing him to look away from her as she worked. "It's really hard to fix your lip when you keep talking." 

Poe turned his head back to face her. "I'm trying to tell you thank you here." 

"You really don't have to say anything…" 

"But I want to" he argued. 

The whole time Shay was working on Poe, she'd been kneeling in front of him. Now she sat back on her heels, giving him his chance to talk. His eyes were droopy and tired, but their deep espresso color was brimming with compassion. 

"I just wanted you to know I appreciate this" he said. "For...you know…for fixing me up. I'm sorry I caused all this." 

An unwilling smirk passed over Shay's face. "You're welcome." She wanted to be angrier at him than she was, but it was impossible. She knew Poe well enough to know he'd defend her honor again someday in the same way he had tonight, whether she approved of the fighting or not. It was nice, after all, to be with someone who always had your back, especially when your back was turned. 

Knowing he'd better listen, Poe turned his head back to the side. "Alright, I'm done talking now." 

Shay bit her lip to keep from chuckling. Swapping out the cloth for the medicated swab, she began to administer the biobacta in tiny, careful dabs. "Just promise me something…" 

Poe kept his head facing away, but his eyes shifted. "Hmm?" 

"…promise me that if you _must_ fight, you won't get hit in the mouth again" Shay finished with a smirk. "You're far too handsome to let someone spoil all of this." 

Poe acknowledged the request with a happy chuckle. "You got it." 

Their gazes met in shared understanding. Shay went back to applying the medicine, and Poe remained an attentive, but silent, patient. He felt the soothing effects of the medicine as soon as she applied it. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment; Shay's gentle touch, the numbing of the medicine, the darkness around him. For the first time that night, he felt completely calm. 

When Shay finished, Poe was all but half-asleep. She helped him remove his boots before rolling him back onto her bed. He shifted sleepily under her as she adjusted the blankets around him. 

"Come get under" he mumbled, eyes closed but a soft smile playing against his now-repaired lips. 

"No, you need to sleep this off alone." She watched Poe's subtle smile turn upside down, his eyes still remaining closed. "I'll be here; I'll just be on the couch." 

"Mmmkay." 

She loosened the top few buttons on his shirt, then brought the blanket up around him. "You good?" she asked, hands going to her hips. 

"Mmm hmm." 

"I'll be across the room if you need me." 

"MmkayShay." 

She could only shake her head. Poe was a beautiful mess: dark lashes resting against bruised cheeks, his full pout successfully patched up with bacta but still very red and angry-looking, his curls in utter disarray. The whole thing was quite a site to see. 

"Sleep well, babe" she whispered. She pressed a kiss to his temple, then turned to leave. 

"Love you" he mumbled. 

With a smile, Shay took one last look at her slumbering boyfriend, then turned the lights off. 

  


* * *

  


Poe awoke the next morning before the first rays of sun even peeked over the horizon. He found himself lying on his stomach on a bed that was not his. Once his eyes focused, one look at the lavender colored bed sheets told him he was in Shay's bed. In her bed, yes…but without her next to him. 

He lifted his head from the pillow, and a dull ache spread from his face down his neck and into his body. Awkwardly, Poe reached up and gently felt at the bump on his cheek, finally recalling the events that transpired the night before. 

" _Fuck_ " he groaned, rolling onto his side. Even this simple gesture caused his brain to feel like mush. 

It was still dark in Shay's quarters, which Poe was thankful for, given the throbbing in his head. He blinked away the slumber in his eyes and refocused them, trying to see if Shay was even around. That's when he saw she was balled up on the couch across the room. Her sleeping blue figure was curled up under a blanket, but she looked peaceful. Still, Poe felt bad. He felt bad about everything now. 

Pushing himself up off the pillow was more of a chore than he would've liked, but he managed. His entire body felt like it was disconnected in some parts. The parts that worked, the parts that hurt, and the parts that he couldn't feel…like his legs, which felt like jelly as he swung them over the edge of the bed. He tried to recall the last time he had a hangover like this, but attempting to think _also_ made his brain hurt. 

Taking those first few minutes to gather himself, Poe glanced sideways at the small table Shay kept beside her bed. There was a note propped up against a glass of water, and a small bottle of some sort of medicine beside it. He took the card and, despite the ringing in his head, read through Shay's handwriting: 

_If you wake up before me: take two of these pain killers and drink all of the water. Don't pretend like you don't need them, because I know you do. :-)_

With this, Poe smiled to himself. He glanced up to see if Shay had awoken, but she hadn't…so he kept reading: 

_Don't forget: General Organa wants to see you first thing. Don't keep her waiting. Love you. —S_

Poe ran a hand through his unruly hair, pushing it back off his forehead. He vaguely remembered leaving the party and seeing the General on their way out, but he remembered enough to know this wouldn't go well for him. 

It didn't matter. He'd stick to his guns and not back down. After telling the General once already that Kiv needed reassigned, this should be the final straw to make that happen. 

With this in mind, Poe found enough strength to get up and get moving. Yes, he still had the same clothes on he had on the night before, but he didn't care. And yes, he very badly needed a shower, but that had to wait as well. 

Taking Shay's advice, he shook out three - not two - of the pain killers and downed them with the water. He drained the entire glass in three heavy gulps and wiped his mouth. Searching the dark room, he found his boots and silently slipped them. 

Before leaving, Poe took a second to go to Shay on the couch. He admired her there for just a moment; the lines of her face softened with sleep, her breathing slow and regular. Ever-so-gently, he brushed a piece of hair back from her cheek and gave her a kiss. 

"Be back soon, babe" he whispered. "If she doesn't kill me, that is." 

He almost expected Shay to wake up with a smart remark, but she didn't. She stayed asleep, and he was glad for it. 

Without another sound, Poe exited the living quarters and made for the office of General Organa. The moment he emerged into the brightness of the hallway beyond, he winced in pain. He had to stand a moment, his back against the hallway wall, waiting for his sluggish eyes to readjust to the light. It was like a knife cutting through all the nerves in his head, but he suffered through it. Slowly but surely, he made his way to the main offices within the base. 

Much to his liking, the hallways were as silent as ever. Poe couldn't remember a time where the base was this quiet; he knew it was because everyone had spent the night before drinking and dancing and were likely sleeping off _their_ hangovers, but it felt eery nonetheless. 

Arriving at the offices near the main briefing room, Poe encountered a few more bodies; bodies he was used to seeing there at this time. That, at the very least, made it feel a little more normal. 

"Morning" Poe uttered, walking past several Lieutenants. It wasn't lost on him that they were all eyeing him with raised brows. Whether it was because of the fight, or because he was looked a disheveled mess, Poe didn't know - nor did he bother to question. 

When he got to the General's office, he didn't have to bother knocking. She saw him through her open door and waved him in. Poe inhaled heavily, wished away the pain inside his head and around his face to make this somewhat easier, then went inside. 

"Good morn—" 

"—Save it, Dameron." 

He nodded, swallowing the rest of his sentence. "Okay, so we're jumping right into it," he mumbled under his breath. 

Leia had already been standing when he came in, but now she approached him. Though she was several inches shorter than Poe, her presence - as it always was - made her seem larger than life, as did the glare she directed at him. She studied the bruises and cuts on his face and the glare became deeper. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

Poe hung his head. "I just—" 

"—Please" she said, interrupting him again. She tried to keep as much patience in her tone as she could. "Don't come to me with who started it, or why, or whatever was going through your drunken brain at the time, because I don't care." 

Poe bit back a smirk. _So none of the women in my life are in the mood of letting me talk,_ he thought to himself. 

Leia was shaking her head, her lips forming a strained line. "And of all nights! Of ALL nights, Poe! You had to go and act a fool in front of all the recruits. This was supposed to be fun…A night off, _for everyone_." 

Poe raised his finger to add something, but quickly lowered it when Leia shot him a look. 

"I'm not finished" she told him. 

He gave a nod. "Alright." 

"I can't have my best leader, my best pilot, my _recruit officer,_ PUNCHING one of the new recruits!" She exhaled and threw her hands up. "I…I don't know…I look to you for leadership and every two steps forward you take, you take one step backward." 

This, over anything else she said, hit Poe in the chest hard. He lowered his head and directed his gaze to the floor as the guilt washed over him fully. 

Across from him, Leia closed her eyes and took another inhale, followed by a slow exhale. "Okay, I just had to get that out." Her entire demeanor relaxed as she looked at him. "You can say your part now." 

Poe facially shrugged, lifting his head only slightly. "I really don't have much to say." Their gazes met. "I'm sorry…for my part." 

"And Neeshla is sorry for his." Leia folded her arms over her chest. "I spoke with him earlier. He was, surprisingly, less humble than you are now. Nonetheless, he apologized. He said it was uncharacteristic—" 

Poe's laughter interrupted her. "Oh it's uncharacteristic, is it?" He rubbed his brow as his laughter dwindled to a lingering chuckle. "He has a lot of nerve." Despite how badly it hurt to do so, Poe clenched his jaw almost as a reflex. "Did he tell you any of the reason why it happened?" 

"He did not" Leia answered, knowing Poe would explode if she didn't let him get it out. "I told you, the story behind it doesn't matter to me." 

"Well it does to me." His stance was solid as he stared at her. "Listen, Leia…I love you like a mother. And you're right, I shouldn't have fought _at all_ , let alone last night." He took a step forward. "But when some poor excuse of a man starts to slander someone I love, especially _my girlfriend_ , I will _not_ stand by idly." 

Both leaders stood looking into one another's eyes, an undercurrent of respect and understanding straining to be grasped between them. Leia respected Poe's integrity. More men ought to be like him, but they didn't need their fists to prove it. Whatever Neeshla said must have been bad for Poe to lose his temper like he did; he was a fiery one, but he didn't usually lose his cool like this. When Leia considered the influence of alcohol, it just made her feel worse. The party, the alcohol, that was all _her_ idea. 

"Ahhhhh, maybe it's all my fault" Leia said aloud. 

Poe recoiled slightly. "Huh? What?" 

"The party…the whole idea we needed something like this…" She waved her hands off as though it was all a waste. "Maybe I overthought it all." 

Her sudden change threw Poe slightly. "You think this is your fault?" He chuckled, one hand going to the waist of his pants. "Really, General? Come on. You shoulder the weight of every single thing the Resistance does. This is not one of those times you should shoulder anything." 

Leia directed a matter-of-fact smirk his way. "Maybe so." 

Poe approached her, clutching the sides of her shoulders tenderly. "I'm sorry for ruining the party." 

She clicked her teeth. "Poe, you didn't _ruin_ anything—" 

"—But I didn't make last night any easier for you" he told her, knowing she wouldn't disagree with that. "I also didn't make it any easier for Shay." 

He pointed to his face, and Leia smiled. "Has she forgiven you?" 

"I think so. I _hope_ so." 

"Well that's good." Leia thought of all the times Han upset her, and all the times she remained stubborn and didn't forgive him right away. In time, she always did. There was too much love there not to. She saw far too much of her husband in Poe, no matter how much she tried not to…And whether she wanted to stay angered with him, she couldn't. 

"Do I still have a job?" Poe asked her. 

Leia laughed in his face. "You're asking me this right now?" 

"I am." Poe looked at her with hope in his eyes, though the redness of his bruised face made him appear even more pitiful. 

"Dameron, listen to me" Leia said, settling her shoulders as she folded her hands in front of her. "In your past, you've outrightly ignored numerous orders given to you on missions. You've disregarded the safety of your squadron in order to blow something up I specifically asked you not to. You've also damaged more ships than the Resistance has money to replace." 

Poe blinked. "…Okay?" 

Leia could only smile. "What I'm saying is yes, Commander, _you still have a job_." 

  


* * *

  


Shay stood in the shower, head bowed, water streaming continuously over her head and down her neck. It felt so good she could cry. Her head was a throbbing mess, but the water numbed it to the point where she barely felt it. All she felt was the cleansing goodness that covered her entire body from head to toe. 

She blew a raspberry, water spilling over her lips as she raised her closed eyes to the stream of warmth that flowed over her. She'd been standing there for over ten minutes, just letting the water wash away her headache. She only wished the water could somehow give her energy to make up for the lack of sleep she got. 

She was just beginning to ponder how water just might be the most beautiful element in the galaxy when the shower curtain was yanked wide open, jarring her from her moment of peace. 

"Oooo" Poe said, his eyes running the length of her body. "Sexy." 

Shay glared at him through the running water, though not without a grin to accompany it. "Hello to you too." She sensed a lightness about him as he began to remove his clothes. "How'd it go?" 

"Great! I still have a job." He hopped on one foot as he pulled his boot off, then did the same on the other. "Leia's not too mad….at least, not anymore. She was pretty pissed when I first got there." 

Shay wiped her hair back from her face, watching as Poe pulled his belt off with a _snap,_ tossing it - and his pants - on the floor. "And how do you feel? I see you got my note…" 

Poe stripped his shirt off and eagerly slid into the shower beside her. "I feel much better." He shook his hair out as the water covered him, soaking him to the core. " _This_ feels fucking amazing though." 

Smiling, Shay wrapped her arms about his shoulders, closing the distance between them. "I meant how's this…" She tapped her finger lightly against his bruised cheek. "And this…" She very lightly kissed the cut on his lip. 

As the water washed over him, droplets clung to Poe's long lashes, giving his eyes an even larger appearance. "It feels as good as it could." He smiled, and the swollen part of his lip caused his grin to appear slightly crooked. "Thank you for taking care of me." 

Their lips met, with Shay making sure to not irritate Poe's cut as their mouths moved together. The curls of his hair were now flattened straight thanks to the water, but that didn't stop her from running her hands through it. Despite the intimacy of being in the shower together, their kiss was more heartfelt than it was passionate. 

Following the kiss, Poe tipped his head back and let the water cascade over his forehead and down his neck. "Fuck this is good." 

Shay laughed, wondering if she looked this goofy when she'd done this just moments before. She scratched at Poe's growing beard, now thicker than usual after a few days of no shaving. She knew this would get him smiling, and it did. 

He hummed a happy moan while the water poured over him. He lifted his head to see Shay standing there smirking. "I could hang out in here with you all day." 

"I _know_ , the water feels so good." 

Poe's hands came to rest on Shay's waist, admiring how gorgeous she looked as the water spilled over her. The violet shade of her hair turned darker whenever it was wet, appearing now as an alluring shade of deep purple. Her eyes never lost their glow, though the water did bring out the pink in her lips, as well as her nipples. Water dripped off her breasts and down her torso, drawing Poe's gaze even further south. He should've been more physically turned on than he was, but the whole moment was very relaxed and easy. After last night, his body wasn't rearing to go as it normally would. Instead, Poe was just happy to be with Shay like this…Close. Intimate. Comfortable. 

An idea came to him then. "Hmm….soap, please?" 

Shay studied Poe curiously, then turned and grabbed the bar of soap. Once she handed it over, he spun her around. 

"I'll do you, if you do me" he said, kissing her once on the nape of her neck. 

Shay giggled. "That's your proposition, hmm?" She felt Poe begin to move the soap over her shoulders, down her back and up again, his fingers lazily lathering her up. It wasn't overtly sexual, but it was very loving and tender. His fingers went to her hair now, massaging her scalp. Shay felt utterly relaxed under his touch, so she hung her head and let Poe's motions and the water running over her lull her headache away, taking the soap with it. "Thank you, babe." 

"Mmm hmm." He kissed the spot right behind her neck, then gently turned her around. "Now for my favorite side." His eyebrow flicked upward, and Shay laughed. 

She let Poe's caring touch roam over her front, the white soapy suds transferring from her body to his as he worked slowly and methodically. He spent a little extra time on all his favorite spots — a massive grin appearing on his face as he did so — then handed the bar to her. 

Shay mimicked the attention Poe spent on her, moving the soap over the rise and fall of his muscles, first along his back then down his arms. He was a compact package of strength, visible now more than even as the white suds highlighted his bronze skin. The peaks and valleys of his back muscles were perfection to Shay; his size and shape ideal to her. Not to mention, her most favorite part of his body… 

"Hey!" Poe said, laughing through the water. 

"Oh, sorry" Shay lied, grabbing his ass. "My hand slipped." 

Poe smirked. "Sure it did." 

Shay grabbed his meaty backside again, digging her nails into the ample flesh and getting yet another squirmy-yell from Poe. "Wow, this soap sure is slippery…" 

Spinning around, Poe took Shay in his arms, sharing the laughter with her, catching her arms against his chest. "I love you, you crazy girl." 

Shay tapped some suds onto his nose, then kissed him. "Love you too." 

  


* * *

  



	6. Chapter 6

Following their shower together, Poe left Shay's quarters and went back to his own place to sleep off the rest of his hangover. Shay wanted more than anything to join him, but she still had the repairs to finish on the tandem X-Wing. With most of the base still asleep and the hangar empty except for her, Shay looked forward to working on the ship in peace. It was a rare moment, and it was exactly what she thought might do some good for both her headache (now finally disappearing), while also making up time in trying to complete the repairs without people around to notice. 

And so, with a few tools in her belt and the rest of the day ahead of her, Shay climbed up to the tandem X and released the cockpit window. With the inside consoles exposed, she flicked a few buttons to release the S-foils from their parked position. They lowered slightly, the topmost laser guns now within reach from the lowest half of the wing. Here is where Shay began to work, finishing the final touches on the guns she'd scraped on her lesson. 

Without BB-8's help, her work went a little slower than it did the other day, but she made good time nonetheless. In about an hour, she finished the entire left side of the ship. Wrapping things up, Shay placed all her tools back in her belt and tossed it to the ground below. She stood for a moment, stretching her back on the wing platform. She rolled her neck from side to side, releasing some much needed pressure while uttering a delightful sigh. 

Checking the digital time readout on the hangar wall, Shay could have laughed right out loud. _How is it only 0800 hours?_ she thought with some shock. _I feel like I've been awake forever._

She looked around at the empty hangar, the lines of ships waiting silently in their tidy rows. A soft hum was all that was audible in the hangar; the ever-present sound of air guns, transistors, and generators waiting in place to be used at will. Because she was the only person in the hangar, Shay could actually hear the humming. Normally, there were too many bodies and too much action around to even hear it. She found it to be quite peaceful to listen to. 

_I should take a little nap,_ she thought...although as soon as she thought of it, she felt guilty. _But still, it's so early. And why am I in a hurry to fix this anyway?_

Her eyes looked up at the open cockpit with consideration. 

_Maybe just a little nap. I'll set the timer in the ship to make sure I get up._

That was a compromise she could live with. Shay climbed up into the cockpit and settled into the pilot's chair. After setting a timer, she stretched her legs out in front of her as far as they could go and rested her head against the side of the cockpit. When she closed her eyes, the comforting hum in the hangar soothed her right to sleep. 

  


* * *

  


It was now or never for Kiv. 

He knew it. He felt it in his bones. The time would never be as perfect as it was now. 

He gathered his items from his temporary quarters, thinking over each step of the plan as he went. The timing wasn't just perfect because almost every person on the Resistance base was sleeping off their nonsense from the night before, but because his anger was freshly renewed thanks to Organa's little speech this morning. 

Kiv loathed Organa. When he overheard the stupid old man, Tekka, talking about her during his time on Ovanis, Kiv wanted to do whatever he could to take her out. No one told him to do this; Kiv wanted to do it on his own. He had financial support, of course, from his leader...but Kiv wanted to show his resourcefulness. His leaders didn't think he could do much on his own, but he would show them. He'd show them all. Maybe….just maybe….they'd take him seriously and promote him to the First Order. 

Kiv thought of all of this while Organa was lecturing him. It took great strength for him to keep his face completely neutral, acting as humble as he could while the vile woman spat out her wishes and commands for how things were 'done' around the base. All Kiv could focus on was how he was disgusted by her, by her biological family she attempted to keep hidden, and by the entire Resistance's adoration for her. Their camaraderie. The false sense of security each person found in one another. It made him nauseous. 

And that fucking Flyboy. 

Kiv flexed his hand, the same hand he marked his arrogant face with last night. He was taken by surprise by how strong Dameron was; at how quick his reflexes had been, even with alcohol in his system. For a moment during the fight, Kiv thought maybe he made a mistake in going toe-to-toe with him…But Shayavi had stopped it for the both of them. 

_Shayavi. Why.  
_ _Why did you have to be here._

Kiv grabbed his backpack, his jaw anchored in anger. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he felt a flicker of regret for what he was about to do and it was because of Shayavi. 

_You weren't supposed to be here, Shay. You weren't supposed to be a part of all this._

What Organa didn't know was that it was neither he nor Flyboy's fault the fight happened last night. It was _Shay's_ fault. Shay caused the incident the night before, and the damn General stuck up for her and her boyfriend. Of course she would; party or no party, Kiv was new. He had to earn his place in her line of favorites. 

_Well, so much for that,_ Kiv thought. _Fuck the General and her precious Resistance. They'll never win this war. Let them have all the parties they want. 20 new recruits….against the First Order?_

It made him laugh out loud. 

Kiv moved silently to the box of electro-magnetic pulse grenades. Over the past couple of weeks he'd been in the Resistance, he'd been collecting them in a box beneath his bed, adding to the count regularly. He took only two or three grenades each day, so no one noticed their supplies slowly dwindling. He found them everywhere, thanks to how haphazardly the Resistance kept their stores. Not a single person even noticed he was doing it. 

Placing the small handheld grenades in his backpack, Kiv considered that he may not have enough to do much damage. He needed a few more weeks of collecting to really leave a mark, but he didn't have that kind of time. After getting lectured at by Organa, he knew she'd be watching him now. Every move he made would be scrutinized. 

Still, despite having far less grenades than he originally intended, Kiv knew where he could do _the most_ damage with what he had, and that would be in the hangar. He would have preferred his original plan of taking out their communication transmitters, but the hangar would have to do. 

He kicked the empty box back under his bed and shouldered the backpack full of the bombs. He flexed his sore hand again as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror on the wall. He was bruised all over from Flyboy's fists, but it only made him smile. 

_This one's for you, asshole._

  


* * *

  


In her deepened state of sleep, Shay had slouched further down into the cockpit than when her nap first started. Her arms hugged her torso as her head lay comfortably against the edge of the seat's padded support panel. She had no idea that Kiv was lurking below, placing grenades on the undersides of all the ships inside the hangar. He passed beneath each of the ships silently, attaching the grenades to the belly near the landing gear. They would do the most damage here when he detonated them, and they were nearly invisible to plain sight in this position as well. He worked fluidly and without a sound... 

...until he tripped over the tool belt Shay had left sitting on the ground near her X-wing. 

Shay's eyes blinked open groggily. For a moment she forgot she'd been in the hangar, let alone napping inside the open cockpit. When her foggy brain regained alertness, she heard a shuffling noise coming from below. She pushed herself upright and looked over the cockpit, catching the backside of someone as they ducked beneath her ship. She moved across the to the other side and looked out, trying to see who had joined her in the hangar. When Shay saw who it was, her breath caught in her chest. 

_Kiv?_

She sunk down into the seat, hoping he wouldn't see her. 

_What the hell is he doing here?_

Her conversation with Pava came back to her mind, recalling how Jess said she'd seen Kiv around the hangar by himself often... just like he was now. 

As quietly as she could, Shay reached across the cockpit to a storage panel and pulled out a pair of macrobinoculars. She shifted in her seat so she was facing the direction Kiv had gone and waited. When he came back into view, she brought the macrobinoculars up to her eyes and flicked them on. The first thing she saw was that Kiv was wearing an all-black jumpsuit of some sort. Strange, especially for him. The second thing she noticed was the bag he was carrying looked lumpy; like it contained something small and round. As Kiv moved from one ship to the next, he reached into the pack and brought out a small device, twisted it between his hands, then adhered it to the ship. 

Shay lowered the binoculars in shock. 

_It can't be._

She raised the device to her eyes and zoomed in. She focused on his hands now, seeing what she feared most: he was pulling out an electromagnetic pulse grenade, twisting it to power it on, and then attaching its magnetic side to the bottom of the X-wing. 

_No...No, this isn't happening..._

Shay tossed the binoculars and pushed herself up and out of the cockpit. "KIV!" She jumped onto the wing first, then leapt to the ground. "KIV, STOP!" she cried, running past her X-wing and out into the open aisle between the rows of ships. He stood there frozen in place, backpack in hand, staring at her with gold eyes full of growing menace. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snarled. 

Shay felt her heart pumping hard against her chest. She looked to the right, eyeing the bottom of all the ships in line. Many had blinking bombs on them. She looked to the left, and again: many of the ships had at least one, if not two, blinking bombs on their bellies. Everything came together into an impossible realization. 

"Kiv..." She said, extending a hand in caution as she took a step towards him. "Don't do this." 

His brow darkened. "You aren't supposed to _be_ _here_." 

"Whatever you're doing, whoever this is for, it's not worth it" Shay continued, taking another step forward. "Do you hear me? It's NOT WORTH IT." 

_"_ Why are you even HERE right now? _"_ Kiv yelled. He pulled at his hair with his free hand, tormented by her presence. _"_ Why, Shay? _WHY ARE YOU HERE?"_

His voice echoed through the open hangar, cutting the silence with the sharpness of his tone. He looked crazy in that moment, and it was starting to frighten her. "Please..." Shay pleaded, keeping her voice gentle. Fear was growing inside her so quickly it threatened to swallow her whole. "Just listen to me for a second….Rethink this. I'll help you. Whatever it is-" 

"-Forget it, Shay. It's over." Kiv's face twisting with hate. "I _do_ have to do this. It's why I came to the Resistance in the first place." His mouth formed a pained smirk. In a single forceful toss, he hurtled the near-empty backpack across the hangar towards Poe's X-wing. His eyes met Shay's, and he shook his head. "I'm only sorry that you got tangled up in this." 

Shay's eyes widened in horror when she saw Kiv reveal a small device from his pocket, his thumb poised over a button. "What are you doing?!" 

"What I have to" he answered. 

Kiv depressed the button, and all the bombs on the ships echoed an eerie tone in unison. Shay felt panic take over her entire body as she watched each of the bombs light up, beginning their detonation countdown. 

"Better run while you still can" Kiv said with a smirk, then took off at a sprint for the hangar's exit. 

A paralyzing fear spread through Shay's body like icy, liquid metal. She had no idea how much time she had, but she didn't have time to think of that. Adrenalin and pure instinct drove her now, running as fast as her legs would take her towards Poe's X-wing. Scrambling beneath, she grabbed the bag of bombs. She had no idea where to throw it...No idea how to fix this...All she could do was hurtle the bag as far as she could, away from all the ships and towards the massive hangar door. As soon as she did, she turned and bolted; the feeling of her own pulse throbbing in her ears. Each second seemed like an eternity, her feet pounding beneath her on the cold cement floor. 

When the bombs exploded, all Shay felt was a wall of heat slam into her back before she lost all consciousness. 

  


* * *

  


Poe shot straight up in his bed at the sound of the explosion. Within seconds, alarms started going off throughout the base, wailing their ominous distress call so loudly it made Poe's ears ring. 

He jumped from the bed as BB-8 came rolling in from an adjacent room. "Get to the hangar!" 

BB-8 spun his head frantically, sensing Poe's urgency. A long string of beeps could be heard as Poe hurriedly stepped into his boots. 

"I'll be right behind you! Just go!" 

The droid took off out the door, and Poe wasn't far behind. Other members of Black Squadron were hurrying out of their respective rooms, some pulling on shirts and others trying to hurry and put their shoes on. 

Snap caught up to Poe first, the bags under his eyes heavy and blue. "What the hell's going on?!" he shouted over the alarms. 

Poe shook his head as he ran, as clueless as Wex was. "Head for the hangar, I'll meet you there!" 

Wex gave him a nod and took off down the opposite hallway. Poe went in the opposite direction, covering the distance between his wing and the mechanic's wing quickly. He encountered just as much commotion happening there as in his wing. Bodies were running here and there, the fright of the alarms jarring them from their sleep. Poe moved past them, going straight for Shay's door. 

"Shay!" He pounded on the heavy surface, listening for her voice but hearing nothing but the alarms. "SHAY?!" 

He spun, eyes scanning the hall, trying to think his way through the blaring sirens. He saw Shay's friend Catlin emerging from her quarters and waved his hand, flagging her down. "Have you seen Shay?" 

"No!" Cat yelled. "She's probably already gone!" 

She took off running for the main hall, where everyone else but Poe was running. He swore, biting back the guilt he felt for leaving. Shay was quick though, _and_ she'd been awake this whole time. Maybe she was already gone. He could only hope. 

Wasting no more time, he took off for the hangar. The closer he got to the hangar, however, the worse the smell of burnt oil became. 

_Not good,_ he thought. _This is not good._

As he rounded the corner, he saw flames and smoke licking through a massive hole blown through the wall. He slid to a stop, eyes wide as he stared at what was before him. 

_No no no no…not the hangar..._

He made his way through the bodies gathered there, only to realize what he feared most: it wasn't just the hallway that had been destroyed. Beyond the tattered opening and the smoke that billowed from it, he could see bodies of X-wings blown to nothing but shrapnel. Their pieces were scattered and on fire, with dark clouds of oily smoke trailing from them into the air. 

"Look out!" Poe called, pushing carefully past everyone as a new sense of urgency filled him. He made it through the blown wall, emerging into what was left of the hangar. Here, the alarms were loudest. The sound shattered his hung-over brain, but nothing compared to the hurt he felt as he looked around at the rubbish. Dozens of ships were gone; their pieces scattered lifelessly across the open floor. An acrid smell of fuel filled the air, so much so that Poe had to cover his nose and mouth with his arm to keep from choking. 

_Whiiiirrrrppp! Whirrrrppp!_

Poe heard the high-pitched squeal of one very frantic BB-8 calling to him over the clamor. He turned to see his friend emerging from the smoke, his body rolling around just as frenzied as his cries were. 

"What is it, BB-8!?" 

_Bee-bloo Whiiirrr!_

" _Shay!?_ " Poe's jaw fell slack, a sick feeling rising from his stomach to his throat. "She's here?!" 

BB-8 took off, leading Poe through the disorienting, smoky hangar. With each stride, Poe felt his blood thicken and slow, fear eroding away at his already-frayed hope. The very last of this hope evaporated completely when he saw Shay. She was lying motionless beneath a piece of scrap metal, visibly injured and covered in black soot. Dread clamped its cold hand around Poe's heart, but he wouldn't give in to it. Not yet. Not like this. 

"Help me, BB-8!" He bent and lifted the panel off Shay's body as his droid rolled beneath. With as much power as he could, BB-8 shot his domed head off his body to its full length, providing a hard kick to the giant panel. It gave Poe just the right boost he needed to shove the metal up and completely away. 

Poe dropped to one knee, clutching Shay's dirty face in his hands, holding her as if she was made of glass. He waited, half expecting her beautiful eyes to open and some sassy comment to come from her mouth, but none of that happened. He could feel his hands shaking as he bent forward, feeling for her breath against his cheek. When he felt it, he closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks. 

As gently as he could, Poe scooped Shay's body into his arms and started for the hallway. He kept a close eye on her as he carried her through the wreckage, her head lolling with frightful ease against his arm. He tried to focus on one thing and one thing only, and that was getting her to the medics...assuming the medic office was still in one piece. He still had no idea how this happened, or who did it, or how Shay ended up a victim of the blast. He pushed it all from his mind and just kept walking, carefully maneuvering through the bodies that came swarming through the gaping wall. 

As Poe neared the wall, a _whoosh_ could be heard as the sprinkler systems turned on all around him. Other members of the Resistance got to work battling the flames behind him, their voice lifting above the alarms. For all Poe cared, they could leave the ships to burn. He didn't care about his X-wing. He didn't care about the fucking hangar. He didn't care how it happened, or why, or who was behind it. 

"Commander!" 

Poe heard Snap's voice before he saw him. "Over here! By the wall!" 

Wexley's large stature pushed through a cloud of smoke as they neared the blown wall. When he saw Shay, his eyes went round with shock. "Oh gods, Dameron, I'm sor-" 

"-We need to get her to a medic" he said, not wanting hear the rest of what Snap was going to say. "The faster the better." 

"I'm on it, Boss." 

Snap turned and motioned for everyone to clear the area to let Poe and Shay through. He led the way, guiding them through the smoke and into the safety of the hallway beyond. Dozens of people were clustered around, but the second they saw Poe carrying Shay, the stepped aside immediately. 

Poe chanced a look at her, seeing now in better light just how badly she appeared. Her mouth hung slightly open, her body completely limp in his arms. Blood seeped through her shirt in places where he guessed she'd been cut by shrapnel. 

She was still breathing, though.  
That's all that mattered. 

In time, Poe made it to the base's medic bay. Amazingly, no one else was there. Not a single other person seemed to have been injured by the blast...only Shay. 

As Poe gently placed her body on a cot, he looked around curiously. "Are there no other injured?" he asked one of the medic assistants. 

"None yet, Commander." 

He watched as the assistants helped straighten Shay's body out, taking one of her arms in theirs as they hooked her up to an IV. Poe stayed right next to her, his hand going to her brow as he gazed down at her. _Stay with me, Shayavi,_ he thought, feeling fear threaten to grow inside him. He swallowed it, pushing it back down as he watched droids and humans alike begin to work on Shay. 

"Commander." 

Poe turned as one of the medics approached him. 

"It's best if you wait outside" the woman told him. "At least until we can assess-" 

"-No, I'm staying." He shook his head. "I can't leave her." 

With resignation, the medic gave a nod. "If you must." As politely as she could, she ushered Poe at least out of the way from the immediate area around Shay. He seemed content here, so she left him for the time being. 

From his standing spot, Poe chewed on the nail of his thumb as more tubes and patches were hooked up to his girlfriend. All the while, she lay there as motionless as ever. 

_Come on, Shay...Wake up. We've been through worse than this._

In the time that Poe stood there waiting, not a single other person was brought into the medical area. This, at the very least, afforded Shay the attention of every medic present, for which Poe was thankful. He wiped at his face nervously, watching as the assistants scurried around her body. 

Relief came in the form of General Organa, who showed up to the medic bay. Poe went to her, meeting her halfway inside the room where they worked on Shay. 

"I came as quickly as I could" Leia said. Her eyes turned to Shay on the cot. "How is she?" 

"I don't know anything." Poe hugged his chest anxiously. "What the hell is going on around here? What happened?" 

Leia shook her head, her gaze tired and sad. "I'm not sure. Someone from the inside, it seems. Took out the hangar with our own EMPs." 

"How many ships are we down?" 

"Too early to tell." 

Poe hung his head, his hands going to his hips as he paced. He moved away from Leia and closer to Shay, trying to see how things were coming. 

Through the Force, Leia could feel Poe's growing dismay. His sense of hopelessness and confusion and anger were like a dark cloud all around him. "Don't lose hope yet, Commander" she told him. When his eyes met hers, she gave a small smile. "She'll be alright." 

"Can you feel that?" Poe asked, knowing she had the power to do so. 

"I can." 

He nodded, feeling some of his fear diminishing. Just then, voice rose from near the table where they were working on Shay. Poe's attention, as well as Leia's, turned in time to see Shay pushing herself weakly up onto her elbows, wheezing hard as she coughed. 

Poe's eyes went wide with shock. "Shay!?" 

He rushed to her side, helping the medic assistants place her back down onto the cot so she was lying flat. She continued to cough, her body bending in pain as she did so. One of the medics gave her some sort of shot of medicine, shouting to the others nearby for more. Poe watched as Shay's coughing dwindled to just a rumble, her eyes groggily meeting his. "Poe?" 

His face lit up with happiness. "I'm here, babe." He smoothed back her hair as he stared deep into the color of her eyes. "It's good to hear your voice again." 

Shay began to cough once more, groaning from the pain. A medic administered another shot of medicine to her neck, which caused Shay to gasp hard and loud. "WOW" she cried, exhaling hard. Her eyes opened even wider now, blinking hard as the medicine took hold. 

Poe held her hand the whole time, watching as the drug did its thing. "Focus on me, Shay" he told her, watching as her gaze found his. He could feel the strength returning to her grip as the medicine flowed through her, making her stronger by the second. 

"Damn" Shay uttered, her chest heaving with every labored breath. She could feel her body coming back to life. "That's some good shit, whatever it is…" 

With a hearty laugh, Poe squeezed her hand. "That's what I like to hear." He placed a kiss to her forehead, then glanced back at Leia. She stood behind a ways, shaking her head with a smirk on her face. 

"So good to see you awake, Pewcha" Leia said with a smile, taking a spot next to Poe. 

Shay's heavy breathing was finally starting to slow. "Thank you, General…" 

Leia leaned in closer now, one hand going to Poe's shoulder, the other braced against the bed. "Shayavi, if I may ask—" 

"—It was Kiv" Shay panted, swallowing hard as the medicine coursed through her. Her eyes went to Leia first, then to Poe. "Kiv did it." 

  


* * *

  



	7. Chapter 7

With Shay now resting in her own bed within her private quarters, Poe stepped outside to meet privately with Wex and General Organa. They stood in the hallway patiently, waiting until he ensured Shay was comfortable and resting easy. 

"We can't afford to waste any more time" Poe told them, immediately going into battle mode. "The longer we wait, the farther he gets from here." 

"I've already got Lieutenant Connix working on tracking him" Leia said. "We'll wait until we get a full bioscan back from our quadrant before we do anything." 

Wex lifted a finger. "Forgive me for asking the obvious here, but _how_ are we going to go after him?" 

"We still have ships that weren't damaged in the blast" Leia answered, albeit hesitantly. "Not _many,_ but we do have some." 

Poe was pacing again. Ever since he brought Shay to the medics, he found it hard to remain still. It didn't get much betterafter she told them it was Neeshla who caused the hangar bombing. Now his mind was running a mile a minute along with his antsy body. 

"We don't know how long he's been planning this" Poe said, facing them. "He could have a bunker somewhere already, hiding like the fucking coward that he is." 

This provoked a sigh from Leia. "May I request that you leave your personal grudge out of this for now, please?" 

"I _told_ you to reassign him two weeks ago." 

"And what would that have done?" Leia stared at him, wanting a answer. "Whether he was under your watch or someone else's, _what_ would it have done?" 

Poe ground his teeth. He was as disgusted as the General, but he didn't have an answer for her. 

"Exactly." Leia glanced between the two pilots. "I need you two to help me find him, but you've _got_ to put aside your personal feelings about him. Right now, he's got enough information about our operations to get us all killed if we don't stop him. We've got to find him and _find out who he's working for,_ before he gives us away." She made a point to emphasize this, hoping the men before her understood there was a greater task at stake here. Personal grudges could wait when it came to the First Order gaining information on where their base was. 

Poe straightened his posture. "Alright then. We need a plan." His eyes moved to Wex. "You and I can take two of the ships and do a flyover. Scan from the air while a bioscan takes place from the ground. We'll cover twice the area twice as fast." 

"And if he's got a ship waiting for him somewhere?" asked Wex. 

"We blow it out of the sky." 

Leia knew that answer was coming before it even left his mouth. 

"He can't get far if he doesn't have a hyperspace ring" Poe added. "He can fly all over D'Qar looking for a way out, but he won't get beyond the first layer of atmosphere unless he's got a ring hiding somewhere as well." 

Wex hadn't considered this fact. He mulled it over silently, as did Leia. 

"Were any of the rings missing from their docks?" Poe asked. 

Leia shook her head. "None." 

"So he hasn't left the planet." The corner of Poe's mouth barely lifted. "Which means we've still got a chance." 

  


* * *

  


What none of the three in the hallway knew was that Shay hadn't actually fallen asleep. She'd been resting, yes...but the second she heard arguing outside her door, her ears pricked. Poe's strong voice was more audible than the others, so she heard most of the strategizing taking place. She could piece together the rest with no issue. 

Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, Shay began to feel something other than pain rising within her. She wouldn't call it impatience, although it felt like it. While her body wanted to rest, Shay wanted to help the ongoing discussion taking place beyond the door. If there was something she could do, she would. 

_Except I'm stuck in bed,_ she thought glumly. 

It wasn't just her back and the three broken ribs she sustained that was causing all the pain. In addition to her aching torso, the injection sites where the medics shot bacta near her spine were their own pinpricks of torment. The random cuts and scrapes had been patched up and were of no consequence. It was truly the pain in her back and her ribs that were sidelining her. Luckily, in the end, Shay would be fine with no permanent damage, however the discomfort she currently felt made her doubt that prognosis. 

More raised voices came from the hallway. Shay felt her heart sink every time she heard Poe's strained tone. All she could do was remain in bed, utterly helpless. The argument now turned to how many bodies they'd need to find Kiv, where he might be, how they could cover the most amount of space, etc etc...The talking seemed to go around and around to Shay. 

An idea came to her unexpectedly. She rolled her head to the side of the pillow, eyeing a tray of filled syringes on her bedside table. They were to be used for the pain should it become too unbearable at any time. She argued needing them, but Poe insisted. 

_There may be something I can do_ . 

A plan began to form in her mind. 

_I might be able to do this._ She considered the potential, but with heavy doubt. _Who am I kidding? I have no idea where Kiv is any more than they do._

As she lay there thinking of Kiv, two things came to mind: one was the question of how someone she used to know and care for could do what he did. The level of disbelief Shay had was overwhelming. Not just because they had a history together, but because he was Pantoran. He was one of Shay's own kind. Pantorans didn't act like this. They weren't an aggressive race, nor were they hostile. Yet here was Kiv, proving her and their entire species wrong again. His betrayal hurt the most; then again, Shay had been here before with him. Betrayal was as akin to Kiv's makeup as his blue skin was. 

The second thing that came to Shay's mind was: there was no one else on the base who knew Kiv like she did. She may have had a lot of things wrong about him, but she knew his habits well. Or... she _used_ to. She tried to think back to the years they were together, trying to recall where he'd gone the last time he betrayed her...after he cheated and wanted to hide from the truth he fought to escape... 

That's when it hit her. 

In a rush of hope, Shay pushed herself up off the bed with a groan. She hobbled to the door and hit the control button, watching as the door swished open and all three sets of eyes looked at her. 

"Check the lakes" she told them. 

They were all still surprised to even see her standing there, let alone butting into their conversation. 

"That's where Kiv will be" Shay added, confirming her statement. She had to lean against the door frame for support, even as Poe came to help her. "I'll place credits on him hiding out near a lake." 

"How do you know this?" Leia asked. 

Shay felt the warmth of Poe's arms gently hug her waist, helping to brace her upright. "It's where he used to go, back when we were together." She felt bad talking about it, especially in front of Poe. When she glanced at him, he nodded for her to continue. "Whenever Kiv and I would get into an argument, he'd always escape to one of our local lakes to 'think'." Shay rolled her eyes. "Or whatever he did there. Who knows." 

Poe's eyes met Leia's. "The nearest lake to the base is Z'atoq." 

"We could be there in an hour if we left now" Wex added. 

Leia scanned the small group before her, weighing their options and if there was a better strategy. Truthfully, Shayavi was the best source of information they had. She was the last person to see Neeshla, and she had a personal history with him. It was as good as they could get. 

"Alright" Leia agreed. "But before anyone leaves, I want you both in the briefing room so we can finalize some sort of plan if you capture him. Get yourselves ready and meet me in my office as soon as possible. Understood?" 

Both the men nodded and agreed to Leia's terms, then they split up. Poe helped Shay back inside and onto her bed, doing his best to prop her up with plenty of soft pillows. 

"Comfy?" he asked. 

"As comfy as I can be." She smiled up at him as he settled in next to her. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can." His gaze was warm and affectionate. "I'm really glad you're okay." He lowered his eyes as his hand lightly grasped hers. "Not gonna lie, you had me pretty scared there for a while." 

Shay could see pain in Poe's expression, even though he was terrible at hiding it. "But you right there, ensuring I was safe" she said with encouragement. " _Yet again_." 

The corners of his eyes creased, brightening his face. "I'm glad I was able to." 

Shay reached up and touched Poe's cheek, the cheek that still held the angry bruise from the night before. "Seems we both took some hits the past 24 hours, huh?" 

A small chuckle left his lips. "You could say that." He leaned forward so that his forehead was touching Shay's. They gazed lovingly into one another's eyes, but Poe's expression transitioned to one of steadfast promise. "I'm gonna find this guy, and I'm gonna end this." 

Shay smirked. "Always so sure of yourself, Commander." 

He smiled, even as his lips caressed hers in a tender embrace. It was through his kiss that Shay finally felt the comfort she was looking for. Everything Poe did was so heartfelt; from the mere touch of his hand to the way he spoke right down to the way he kissed. Every fiber in him spoke of the passion he lived his life with; including the way he loved Shay. 

Poe rose from the bed. "See you soon?" 

"Of course." She watched as he turned to leave, already feeling the absence of his presence. Before he slipped out the door, he pressed two fingers to his lips then held them out to her. In return, Shay did the same, sharing a kiss across the distance between them. With this, Poe was gone. 

With an eye on the clock and her idea still fresh in her mind, Shay counted exactly three minutes before she stood from the bed. Three minutes should have been enough time for Poe to make it to Leia's briefing. 

With one hand against the bedside table for support, Shay grabbed one of the filled syringes and removed the cap, holding the needle to her neck. 

_Okay, you can do this. Relax, and be quick._

She breathed in, breathed out, then shoved the needle into her neck. 

A sliver of white lightning could be felt as she injected the potent drug, doing her best not to wince and tense up her muscles. As soon as it was empty, she pulled back and discarded the needle with a heavy exhale. 

_Two to go._

She prepped the second needle, found a new spot in which to inject herself, then jabbed the needle into her neck. It hurt much less this time, but she still didn't dilly-dally. She depressed the end until all the medication was gone, then yanked the needle away. 

Shay took a deep breath and steadied herself. She could feel the pain killers washing over her sore body, silencing her screaming wounds from top to bottom in a slow numbing wave. 

_Alright. Last one._

Working quickly, she pulled the cap off with her teeth and prepped the needle. Aiming for the other side of her neck this time, she steadied herself before plunging the needle into her muscle. The liquid poured from the syringe into her body, and she felt nothing but a calm quiet settle over her. 

She withdrew the needle and tossed it onto the empty tray. 

_Now...to the ship._

Blinking through the haze of medication, Shay willed herself forward. Eventually, the drugs would thin themselves out the more they coursed through her blood. Until then, she had to suffer through the weird drug haze. She couldn't fly a ship like this, but this phase was temporary. 

Shay pulled on more appropriate attire than the medic dress they left her in. She was wobbly, but her vision was clearing by the second. She found her boots next, then grabbed her key and headed for the door. 

If anyone was going to take out Kiv Neeshla, it was going to be her. 

  


* * *

  


Poe and Wexley stood together, listening as Leia and two of her Lieutenants gave them details on the bioscan being performed. They studied the location of Z'atoq Lake and the subtleties of the geography near there. Poe memorized the hovering map before him, making note of any features that could harbor an escapee. 

Up until now, Poe hadn't allowed himself to feel the anger of what happened on base. He hardly had time to rebound from the injuries Kiv had caused the night before, let alone a fucking bombing that he caused. If there was even a shred of regret about fighting Kiv, it was no longer there. 

"Our main goal is to ensure he doesn't get off this planet" General Organa told them. She stood with her arms behind her back, her eyes trailing over those standing in front of her. "Our second goal - and this is important, Dameron - is to ensure Neeshla makes it back in one piece. I have more than just a few questions for him." 

Poe's brow rose innocently. "Why me?" 

Lieutenant Connix approached the group from offside, where she'd been staring at the bioscan radar screens during their chat. "Not to interrupt" she told them, her voice cool and collected. "But it appears there's activity outside the base." 

Poe's expression fell. "What kind of activity?" 

Lieutenant Connix gave a sidelong glance at General Organa before answering. "It appears to be a ship." 

"One of ours?" asked Leia. 

"Yes." 

"And it's leaving _now_?" 

Connix nodded. "Affirmative." 

Poe wrestled with this new information. If it was Kiv, how did the asshole manage to remain on base without someone seeing him? Would he really be that bold, or that stupid? 

"Hold on a moment." This time, it was Caluan Ematt who spoke. "I'm receiving data on the ship." 

Poe and the others moved towards Caluan, looking over his shoulder at a blinking dot on his radar. His fingers moved quickly over the keys, bringing up the call number and log data for the ship in question. 

Upon seeing the data appear before him, Poe's eyes went wide in shock. "That's the tandem X-wing." He spoke as if to himself, though all heads turned to look at him. 

"So?" replied Leia, unsure of where he was going with this. 

"It's the same ship that-" Poe stopped, realizing he was about to blow his own cover. "-that I, uh...Well...that I've been giving flying lessons to Shayavi in." 

Obviously unaware that his friend had been giving private lessons, Wex nodded at Poe rather proudly. 

Caluan, who'd been bringing up additional data while the others spoke, now sat flat back in his chair. "This can't be" he mumbled, fingers flying on the keyboard once more. 

Connix stepped forward. "What is it, Cal?" Her eyes went to the image before them, but nothing new was revealed there. 

"The registry says Shayavi Pewcha's flying it." Caluan turned in his seat to face Poe. "Can that be?" 

"It's an old log. It's gotta be." Poe leaned an arm out on the desk and stared at the data. "Can you bring up the archive?" 

"Give me just a sec." 

As he did so, Poe chanced a look at Leia. Her face gave nothing away. 

"Here's the archive, Commander." Cal flicked the screen to change over to the last several check-ins. All of them were from Poe and Shay's flight lessons except for the latest. It was her call number. Her digital signature. Everything checked out, save for the obvious. 

"You _did_ leave her to rest in her quarters, right Dameron?" Wex had to ask him, even though it seemed ridiculous to do so. 

"I did." Poe felt apprehension taking hold of him. "But that hasn't stopped her before." He met the gazes of those before him with an understanding about Shay that they didn't share. No one else knew her determination, her stubbornness, or her history with Kiv the way he did. And if Poe knew his girlfriend, she would take this act of Kiv's more personal than any of them would. The only question was how could she do it in the state she was in, with her current injuries? 

_The syringes,_ Poe thought suddenly. _What if she pumped herself full of the meds before-_

"Oh shit" he uttered. 

Turning on his heel, Poe rushed through the briefing room with every set of eyes staring at him in shock. 

"Where do you think you're going!?" Leia called after him. 

"To follow her!" Poe shouted, exiting the room at a sprint. He blew through the hallways of the base, willing himself forward with the distress he felt. 

All the ships that survived the blast had been moved to the outside tarmac so work could continue inside the hangar. This is where Poe ran to. He emerged into the humidity beyond the walls of the base, locating his X-wing \- one of the lucky few few ships that remained intact after the bombing. BB-8, who'd been following him up until this point, rolled up and into his place in the back hatch while Poe climbed into the cockpit. 

"Heads-up BB-8!" He shoved his helmet on and fired up the engines. "I need you to get us locked onto the signal coming from Shay's X-Wing." 

The droid answered obediently, asking Poe whether or not he had coordinates. 

"Negative, buddy. That's what I need to you to help me with." He flipped a few buttons as the comm lines came to life, then pulled back on the throttle as the ship lifted off the ground. "I'll get us going and you work your magic back there. Got it?" 

_Blllirrp woo!_

Poe stared beyond the cockpit window as the base disappeared below. Shay only just took off, so he felt confident he'd be able to find her. If she really was going to find Kiv on her own, Poe had to make sure that when Shay's drugs wore off, she didn't do more harm than good - either to herself, or her ship. He had every faith in her abilities, but with the injuries she sustained from the blast, he worried how long she'd last once the meds wore off. 

Once his ship cleared the base below, Poe pulled hard on the throttle. "Alright, let's go get her!" he shouted back to BB-8. With a smirk, he thought of something he told Shay not too long ago when they flew together. " _Bonus points_ if we find our fugitive in the meantime, eh?" He whipped his X-wing around and accelerated hard, BB-8 chirping happily behind him. 

  


* * *

  


Shay found Z'atoq Lake with no difficulty at all, but finding a place to land was a little more than she bargained for. The lake was surrounded by rolling hills; some were littered with trees while others were bare and rocky. Neither were exactly prime real estate for landing, so she made a meticulous pass around the lake to make sure she wasn't missing anything. She flew low and slow, her eyes focused on the ground the entire time. 

As she flew, Shay could tell the drugs were in full effect now, much to her approval. She could barely feel her injuries as she pressed her back against the seat. This boded well for this entire idea of hers, though she had no idea how long it would last. That concerned her...but it didn't stop her. 

She brought the tandem X-wing around the south end of the lake, scanning its features as she flew by. Z'atoq Lake was almost 50 kilometers in length, boasting as one of D'Qar's larger lakes. It normally wouldn't take much time to cover by air, but Shay cut her normal speed in half in order to really take it all in from above. As a result, it was slow-goings for a while as she covered the circumference ofZ'atoq. The more she flew by without seeing somewhere good to land however, the more discouraged she became. 

_Maybe I had Kiv wrong again...thinking he'd run right for a lake_ . 

Shay pulled the ship around the southern tip of the lake and started north, eyes peeled for a landing spot, or a Pantoran on the loose. 

_Or maybe I'm just in over my head trying to get to him before Poe and Wex do._

Negative self-talk wasn't Shay's way, but she was starting to worry. It came a little too easy now, given how tired she was and how much medicine was flowing through her veins. 

_I'm quite the mess, aren't I?_ she thought with a laugh. Ahhh, _but even my father told me my stubbornness would get me in trouble some-_

Shay's internal dialogue came to a halt when she noticed a clearing come into view. She increased her speed and brought the ship around a small bay on the west shore, flying even lower and closer. From what she could tell, it was a narrow strip of flat land that appeared to be the extension of a marshy shore. She navigated around a hill that blocked half the view until the flat area came fully into view - and with it, another Resistance starfighter. 

"Ho...ly...shit..." Shay stared at the ship parked on the open land below, recognizing it as one of the few she worked on weeks ago for the new recruits. "You gotta be kidding me" she muttered to herself. 

With the hopeful promise of what she just discovered, Shay immediately began her landing sequence. Still, she didn't see Kiv anywhere, which was slightly disconcerting. If he was near the ship, she certainly didn't recognize anyone with her race's distinctive blue skin. 

As the landing gear popped out beneath her, Shay angled the ship close to where the other fighter was located. She was just about to level it onto the surface when she saw all the engines on the starfighter blaze to life. 

"Nooooooooo no no no no no!" she shouted. As fast as she could, she backed out of the landing sequence, feeling the ship groan angrily beneath her. She watched with mounting resentment as Kiv's fighter completely engaged its fire-up sequence. 

Swearing under her breath, Shay frantically opened up the communications line and found Kiv's frequency. "Surprise, asshole! I lived through your little explosion!" She wrenched the ship off the ground as she tried to engage Kiv on the line. "I think it's time we had a little chat, don't you?" 

No answer came, not that she really expected one to. Kiv's starfighter took off at breakneck speed, but Shay was right behind him. She increased her speed, fired all engines, and kept a close tail. 

"Listen to me, Kiv: do NOT run, do you hear me?" Her voice sounded as frantic as she felt, especially when she yanked hard on the throttle to follow him. "I only want to talk!" 

Again, nothing. The only response she received was a tight banking of his starfighter as he tried to shake her. Shay anticipated all his moves, flying as flawlessly as she did on all those mornings when it was just her and Poe. 

"At least tell me why you did it!" she shouted, but Kiv responded with another slick maneuver of his ship. She banked hard, never losing ground on him. Her anger was boiling over now, disdain flowing through her moreso than the medication she injected earlier. And still, the chase went on. 

"Kiv!" Shay knew he was listening, so she kept on him as they parried with one another. "I know you can hear me! TELL ME WHY YOU DID IT." 

Another hard cut of his ship, another quick response by Shay. The landscape blew past them in green and blue streaks, their speed matching one another's. Her hands gripped the throttle so hard her knuckles were white. Without her usual flying gear and without Poe next to her...all she had was her instinct and an unnerving will to end this. 

"You know...I always knew you were an ass" Shay said over the line, spinning the ship around as Kiv made another attempt at losing her. "...but you have FAR exceeded my expectations." 

The pair of ships dove down into a canyon now; following a river that wound its way through the lush landscape that was nothing but a blur. She flicked a button above her, trying to see where on D'Qar they were now. With all the twists and turns Kiv was attempting, Shay was damn near all but completely turned around. 

A digital display showed up on her front console, showing her ship in line behind Kiv's. From the looks of things, they were incredibly close to where she and Poe had their last lesson together. In fact, they were only kilometers away from the ravine where Shay had blown that very lesson _._

Confirming her observation, Kiv took the pursuit down into the very ravine where she had her lesson. Visions of smoking S-foils came to the forefront of Shay's mind, the grinding sound of metal on rock, the feel of Poe's hands on her hips and his mouth on hers as she straddled him afterward...It came rushing back to her as fast as the landscape around her. 

Shay shook her head, her disgust becoming too heavy to shoulder any longer. "Where do you think this is going, Kiv? How far do you think you can run?" 

No response. Every muscle in Shay's body tensed as she stared down Kiv's X-wing with lethal eyes. 

"You can't outrun your mistakes!" she shouted into her mouthpiece. "And you _can't outrun the Resistance!_ " 

The ravine was fast approaching. Shay could see the dark depth of the canyon yawning open, waiting to swallow them. 

The decision that lay dormant in the back of Shay's mind until now surfaced wholly as the ravine neared. Either she flew over the ravine, lost Kiv, and counted all of this as a failed attempt at stopping something better left to Black Squadron...Or she went through and ended it. 

_I can't kill a Pantoran,_ Shay thought. 

She bit her lip as she wrestled with the idea, knowing all along it had been her end game. 

_How can I kill one of my own people?_

Ahead of her, Kiv's starfighter entered the ravine.  
It was now or never. 

Knowing what she had to do: Shay punched it. 

With her ship on its side, she entered the narrow and twisting corridor. Her muscle memory kicked in as she maneuvered the ship left and right, dodging the obstacles as they came at her. She did just as Poe trained her, remembering each angle, each instruction, each comforting word. 

When the pair of ships neared the exit of the ravine, Shay gave it her all. She felt through the motion of the ship as they rounded into the corridor's narrow neck, and to her surprise: not one S-foil scraped the rocks around her. Her ship shot out of the ravine and into the wide-open emptiness of the fields beyond. With nowhere to hide and nowhere to run, it was just her and Kiv, flying over the fields at top speed. 

"Kiv." Shay's voice turned serious. On the targeting computer in front of her, she brought his ship into its crosshairs. "This is the last time I'm going to ask you. For your own sake, I hope you answer." She could feel a lump forming in her throat. Sweat stuck to her forehead beneath her helmet. Somewhere behind her, along her spine, her needle pinpricks were beginning to wake up. 

With her target locked and her thumb poised above the torpedo detonator, Shay radioed one last time to her ex-boyfriend. 

"If you ever loved me, Kiv" she said, feeling her eyes begin to water as her thumb centered on the button. "Tell me why you did it." 

Green fields below became forested as they neared the next cluster of mountains. Soon, their open space would disappear, as would Shay's opportunity. 

She bit her bottom lip as fear took hold of her soul. "Kiv...please..." 

__He turned his back on you and the rest of Pantora a long time ago.  


__

_Do it.  
_ _Do it for the Resistance._

Shay gave him exactly 5 seconds to answer before she fired the torpedo. 

  


* * *

  


Crippling horror consumed Poe in those few seconds after he watched one of the ships explode...that was, until BB-8 whistled that it wasn't Shay's ship. 

"It wasn't?!" Poe turned halfway in his seat. "Are you sure?!" 

His droid hummed and whirred anxiously. 

"Well you BETTER be sure!" Poe yelled back. His eyes were wide as he watched a billowing cloud of orange and black fire pour from the planet's surface beyond. "Please tell me you're sure?!" 

BB-8 double and triple checked, confirming with vigor that it definitely was _not_ Shay's ship that exploded. 

Poe exhaled hard, feeling his chest press against his safety restraints. He leaned forward tiredly, easing up on the speed with which they'd been flying. His nerves were as raw as they'd ever been, and that was saying a lot given some of his prior experiences. 

When he got within eye-shot, Poe could see Shay had landed her X-wing near the explosion site. He brought his ship down next to hers, spying her standing outside with her eyes to the sky. As quickly as he could, he hurried over to her, calling her name as he neared. 

Shay heard him, but was too emotional to even move. She stood there a long time, staring blankly at the shower of embers that floated down from above. She heard Poe's voice again, calling to her, pulling her attention away from her shattered past. 

Poe's jog slowed to a stop when she didn't answer. "Shay?" Fear and apprehension filled his voice as he stood there. 

When Shay finally turned and faced him, her bottom lip began to tremble as every emotion rushed to the surface all at once. The pain in her body competed with the pain in her heart, as overwhelming relief collided with crushing sadness. Shay ran to him, collapsing into his arms as she began to sob. 

"Shhh, it's alright..." Poe murmured softly, cradling the back of her head as her tears soaked into his shoulder. "Everything's okay now...It's all over..." 

BB-8 rolled forward cautiously, unsure of what he was witnessing. When he heard Shay crying, he lowered his head a little. Whatever happened had caused her pain. Great pain. Even for a droid, he understood this. 

  


* * *

  



	8. Chapter 8

That night, Poe didn't leave Shay's side. He kindly asked the General to let them have the night together, to enjoy the peace and solitude of being alone and to leave the questioning to tomorrow. There was no longer any immediate threat, and Shay needed rest more than anything. The questioning could wait one more day. 

They lay together on the bed; Shay's body nestled in the protection of Poe's. In their spooning position, Poe was able to hold her in his arms, cradling her and giving her somewhere safe to rest. It was the best thing he could give her at that moment. Sometimes they talked, but mostly they just lay together silently. Sometimes Shay wept, her back trembling against Poe's chest. When she did, he held her even tighter, his fingers going to her hair in hopes of soothing her. 

It was the first time Poe had seen Shay this upset, but he understood her grief. The one thing she kept repeating over and over to him was how she couldn't believe she killed one of her own race, even if it was for the greater good. Her anguish actually made Poe look inside himself, reflecting on his own history of killing. He never enjoyed it, but he also never thought twice when it came down to the greater good and what needed to be done to achieve it. When you've been doing it for as long as he had, there was a level of numbness that came with it. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it was his reality. For Shay, this was much more significant than just any other kill. There was a personal gravity to it on many levels. Poe only wished he could make her sorrow go away. 

She shifted against him a little, so he eased his arms away from her body only to have them grabbed back in place. 

"Don't let go." Her voice had the slightest edge of distress to it. 

"Don't worry. I have no plans on going anywhere." Poe kissed her shoulder. "Unless you tell me to, of course." He meant it as a little joke, always trying to make her feel better, but Shay shifted once again. Now she was lying on her back, looking up at him with puffy eyes. 

"I've been trying to sleep and I just...I just can't." 

Reaching out, he palmed her stomach gently. "Don't feel pressured to do anything right now." 

His touch was warm, and it calmed her. She wished she could send a blessing to every star in the galaxy for having Poe in her life. He radiated comfort, even more so than usual. His touch was as good as medicine, his smile a potent elixir. 

"Is your back bothering you?" he asked. "I can grab you some more medicine..." 

Shay shook her head. "That's the last thing that hurts." 

Poe more than understood her. He hugged her close, his head next to hers. Because he was shirtless, Shay had the warmth of his skin against hers, and that alone soothed her. Just having him near was enough. 

Next to her, Poe could sense she wanted to talk but he didn't want to push her. Still, he wanted to be there to listen, if she did. "Do you want to talk some more?" 

Her eyes lifted to his. "I seem to be all talked out" she answered, hoping she didn't sound unappreciative of his support. 

"I'll be right here if that changes." 

She gave a tiny smile. "You're too good to me." Poe shrugged one of his shoulders, as though it didn't mean the world to her when it very well did. She could tell he was honored by her words beneath his outward humility. His eyes gave him away every time. 

"I don't think I mentioned this yet" Poe said, "but I'm very proud of you." 

Shay didn't know what to say. His kindness threatened to sprout new tears, but she bit them back. All she could do was nod and attempt another smile. 

Poe lifted his hand from her stomach to her cheek, cupping gently. He swept the pad of his thumb over her temple, his eyes never leaving hers. With the need to speak, he conveyed what he needed to through his loving gaze. Lying there in his close embrace, Shay couldn't help but admire each of Poe's lengthy eyelashes, the few freckles that dotted his cheekbones, the tiny scar near his nose. She felt so sensitive to everything, even this, and soon...the tears she'd been holding back began to fall. 

"I'm sorry" she said, wiping the water from her cheeks. "I don't know why I can't stop..." 

A soft chuckle came from Poe as he shook his head. "You don't have a single thing to apologize for. Think of the shit you've been through in just 24 hours...starting with patching me up." He raised an eyebrow in emphasis, getting the smallest of giggles from Shay. 

"This is true" she uttered, half-crying, half-laughing. She wiped her hands on the blankets beside her, sighing heavily. "Ugghh...I guess I just need time." Her eyes drifted back to his. "And sleep." 

"You sure you don't want some meds to help you?" Poe asked seriously. "You aren't showing weakness by wanting some, you know." 

He saw right through her, and luckily so. His statement helped crumble Shay's normally-unshakable stubbornness. As such, she looked at him sheepishly. "Maybe just a little." 

Poe wasted no time in fetching her the medicine. It was also the only time he left her that night. Shay felt the emptiness of his spot on the bed while he was gone, the heat of his body still lingering on her hand as she rolled onto her stomach. 

When Poe returned, he had a small syringe in hand that he prepped rather quickly. He sat on the edge of the bed, gently lifting the hem of Shay's camisole up her bruised back. "I'll be quick." 

Shay nodded, pushing her face into the pillow as she felt Poe gently ease the needle into the flesh near her spine. He worked with utmost care, and soon - Shay felt a wash of numbness feed into her damaged back. 

"All done" Poe whispered, kissing the top of her head as he went to dispose of the needle. 

Shifting gingerly onto her side, Shay pulled her top down as the drugs began to really take hold of her. She felt her eyelids become heavy as Poe returned. He slipped beneath the covers, cradled her body next to his, and pressed a loose kiss to her forehead. "Sleep, baby girl. I've got you." 

Soon, Shay was completely asleep in Poe's arms, where she stayed the remainder of the night. 

  


* * *

  


The next day, Shay sat in General Organa's office listening to a recorded version of her chase with Kiv. A small group assembled that morning after pulling the digital recording from her ship. Shay thought it would be the truest explanation of what happened, though it was painful to relive all over again. 

And it _was_ horrible to listen to, especially knowing the outcome. Despite this, Shay sat there and listened with a general sense of numbness. She shifted her eyes towards Poe, who gave her a sympathetic smile. Through it all, it was surprising for Shay to hear just how frantic her voice was as she called to Kiv, begging him to answer her throughout the whole flight. It sounded as hopeless as it had been to live it. 

" _If you ever loved me, Kiv….tell me why you did it."_

Shay's final statement haunted the ears of everyone there. Leia stood listening, arms folded over her chest with her chin resting on one hand. Her eyes had been directed to the floor, but upon hearing the fatal explosion, she waved a hand at Connix who was manning the playback. "Thank you, Lieutenant. That's enough." 

Connix halted the recording and an unsettled silence fell over those in the room. Leia sighed, feeling the weight of the moment as though it was her own. "An unfortunate ending" she said with a shake of her head. 

Now it was Shay's turn to direct her gaze to the floor. She kept her eyes there, even as all the others in the room directed them at her. 

"You did all you could" Leia told Shay, hoping to reassure her. 

All Shay could do was nod. Beside her, Poe placed a supportive hand on her thigh. 

Leia stood now, drawing Shay's sad eyes upward. "I want to thank you for your bravery. I could hear in your voice it was not easy for you. But rest easy: by your actions, you have single-handedly prevented the location of our Resistance base from leaving this planet and getting into the hands of the enemy." 

Much to Shay's surprise, she felt for the first time a sense of accomplishment in what she did the day before. Perhaps it was the way Leia was looking at her, or perhaps it was the talks she and Poe had all night. Whatever it was, a sense of calm finally came over her. 

"However, it's clear we made a massive error somewhere in our recruitment process" Leia continued, her eyes grazing over the other members of the Resistance Command team that sat around them. "We'll have to work on this in the future. For now, however, I want to present something of great interest that has come to us." 

She waved for Lieutenant Connix to come forward. In her hands was a small notebook, something that was surprising to see in and of itself. Leia took the notebook and presented it to those about her. "A reconnaissance team searched Neeshla's temporary quarters and found this notebook." With this, Leia turned to Shay. "Most of it is written in Pantoran. We thought perhaps you could interpret the contents for us, if you feel okay in doing so?" 

"Of course." Shay extended her hand, taking the notebook from Leia. She flipped through the pages, recognizing Kiv's quick, coarse handwriting. It felt weird to look at it, especially now. Since she was the only Pantoran on base, she was the only one who could interpret what was written. She did her best not to let her dark thoughts consume her as she skimmed through the contents of the notebook. 

"A lot of math equations" Shay mentioned to the group, flipping through one page after the other. "Much of it I don't understand." It made sense since Kiv specialized in engineering, though none of the equations made much sense to her. 

She flipped through a few more pages of engineering-like scribbles of various shapes and calculations, then finally came to something interesting. A pair of coordinates were listed, followed by names and ranks of various people whose names she didn't recognize. Looking up at Leia, she pointed to the page before her. "I think I found something." 

She relayed the names and the coordinates as they were written. As Connix looked up the coordinates on her computer, Leia listened carefully as Shay read the names. When she came to Lor San Tekka, Leia lifted a hand, immediately stopping her from proceeding. 

" _Lor San Tekka?"_

Eyes wide at her abruptness, Shay nodded. "As it's written here, yes" she replied. 

Poe recognized the name instantly. "Haven't you been looking for him for years?" he asked of Leia. 

The General nodded, taking a seat on a nearby chair. She stared off blankly, her mind disappearing to an unknown place. There was a long pause as she absorbed the information. 

Across the room, Connix stood from her desk. "The coordinates are to the planet Ovanis, General." 

Leia was slowly putting the pieces together. She waved for Shay to continue. "Keep reading, dear. Tell me everything you see." 

Shay did as she was told, reading on through the disjointed notes. More coordinates were written with more names and ranks listed beneath. Alongside the names, Kiv had written each of the men's weaknesses, which Shay found slightly disturbing. The notes were followed by instructions on how to become a recruit for the Resistance. On the next page, a list of galactic credit deposits were written across two pages worth of paper. Shay was about to read the name of the donor when Leia interrupted her again. 

"Erudo Ro-Kiintor" she uttered. "You don't even have to tell me." Glancing beside her at her fellow Lieutenants and Admirals, Leia could already read the looks in their eyes. They _all_ knew. 

"A rogue Centrist Senator who I had the unfortunate pleasure of working with once" Leia explained to Shay. "It's been rumored for a long time that he's helping to finance the First Order. Perhaps this proves the rumor true, if Neeshla worked underground for him." 

All of this was news to Shay, obviously - though the biggest surprise was that somehow, Kiv had gotten mixed up in something that was clearly much larger than he was. His ignorance was blatant, but never moreso than now. 

As Leia and her advisers discussed this newest revelation, Shay continued to read through the following pages. "Hmmm, this is interesting" she spoke under her breath. 

Poe looked over her shoulder. "What is it?" 

Shay's eyes scanned the next page's scribbles. "It mentions here he still owed Ro-Kiintor payments for travel to and from Ovanis back to Hevurion." She looked at Poe with concern. "Do you know anything about these two planets? I'm clueless to both." 

"I know them, yeah" he answered with distaste. "Heruvian is a melting pot of wealthy, soul-sucking scumbags." 

Shay's brow rose, impressed by his description. "I see." 

"And Ovanis?" Poe sat up, unsure of how to even phrase it. "From what I've heard, there is a large cultist group there." His eyes shifted to meet Shay's. "Apparently they worship a giant egg." 

"An _egg_." It came out as a flat statement due to her disbelief. "Are you kidding me?" 

Poe's mouth formed an unrestrained smirk. "I couldn't make something up like that if I tried." 

Their private chat was interrupted by Leia, who now stood at attention before both of them, as well as the rest of the group assembled. "Commander, I need to meet with you and a few of your squad please. I have an idea." Her eyes went to Shay. "Thank you so much for all you have done. This could be the break the Resistance has needed, and I have you to thank." 

Shay averted her gaze humbly. "I appreciate that, General." 

"If you'll excuse us - I need to meet with Black Squadron at once." Her expression was warm and comforting as she looked at Shay. "I hope you don't take your absence as me not wanting you here." 

"Not at all." Shay took a step back. "I should rest anyway." 

She watched Leia give a small bow of her head. "To the briefing room please, Dameron." 

"Roger that, General." 

When Leia and the others took leave, only Poe remained. He clasped his hands on Shay's shoulders, rubbing them gently with his thumbs. "I'll come back to your place as soon as this is done." 

Shay nodded, then felt Poe's mouth place a kiss to her cheek. "Good luck" she told him. 

His broad smile was the last thing she saw before he disappeared. Now it was only Shay in the small command room. The heaviness of what was going on without her settled upon her like a boulder she didn't have the strength to lift. She knew what was coming. Based on what she heard around the room, she knew a new mission was in the works. Worst of all, she knew she wouldn't be joining. This knowledge threatened to drag her morale even further down than it already was, but she was too tired to be angry at her injuries for holding her back. If it was meant to happen this way, then so be it. 

With this in mind, Shay took her battered body, her tired brain, and her worried heart with her back to her quarters. 

  


* * *

  


Poe didn't go straight back to Shay's like he wanted to. Necessity spurred him back to his place first, given that he and the rest of Black Squadron would be departing first thing in the morning for Ovanis. Their mission now was to locate Lor San Tekka and, if they were lucky enough, bring him back to General Organa. Leia informed them he had information on the whereabouts of her brother. Poe hoped she was right, because this was going to be a long and strenuous mission. 

When he arrived back at his place, the first thing Poe made sure to do was get BB-8 charged and ready to go for the morning. His second task was to pack what clothes and equipment he could, preparing for a long mission but hoping for a short one. He grabbed whatever clothes were clean and shoved them into his canvas duffel bag, not caring much for whatever went in there. With only the rest of the day and that night to spend with Shay before he left for who knows how long, Poe didn't want to waste a single minute. 

He zipped the large duffel and slung it over one shoulder. "I'll be back in the morning, alright BB-8?" 

The droid hummed a response back, and Poe nodded at him. 

"I'll tell her, don't worry." He smiled at the droid. "Charge up, buddy. I'll be back in the morning to get you." 

BB-8 whistled, then powered himself down to charge. Poe waited to be sure he was good to go before leaving, then began the long walk down to Shay's apartment. For the first time in a long time, if ever, Poe felt something other than excitement before an upcoming mission. Usually he was so full of excitement he found it hard to sleep the night before leaving. Tonight would not be like that. 

He stood outside Shay's door, duffel over his shoulder, feeling sadness seep into his bones as he knocked. It took a moment for Shay to open, and her expression said everything it needed to when she saw him. 

"You're leaving." She stared up at him despondently. 

Poe nodded. "Not until tomorrow morning, though. We have the rest of the day and night together." 

Shay stepped aside, allowing him to enter. An unspoken gloominess hung in the room between them as time became a sudden commodity. It didn't help much that Shay already felt helpless in her current state, but there was nothing she could do about it. 

"Should we talk about it?" she asked Poe, hoping to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. 

Dropping his bag to the floor, he looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "If you want." 

Shay hugged her chest as if to block her from the pain she knew she was about to feel. "Where is she sending you?" 

"Ovanis." 

"To the egg?" 

"Probably." 

Both looked at each other with grim smiles. 

"How long?" Shay asked him, feeling her body tense in anticipation of the answer. 

"I don't know." Poe swallowed. "Probably a while." 

"And if you don't find Tekka?" 

"The plan is to head to Heruvian." 

Shay exhaled a cruel laugh. She dipped her head, feeling the sting of water in her eyes. _So several weeks. Months, maybe._

Poe understood how she felt because he was feeling the exact same thing. He could be gone for weeks at this rate, maybe even more. Being in a real relationship like this was new to him. He wasn't used to leaving _anyone_ behind when it came to leaving for a mission, let alone Shay - who he fell in love with more and more every day. It pained Poe just as much to leave her behind, to the point where he was surprised how much it was affecting him. 

"This won't be easy for me either" he told her, stepping into her. "This will be the first time I've left anyone I loved behind." 

Shay's gaze met his, seeing for the first time that the distress he felt was very evident in his eyes. "Everything's just happening so fast. Just a week ago, we were just lying outside under the stars and you were singing to me. And now?" She glanced down at herself with disgust. "I can't handle fast, Poe." 

This caused him to smirk. "Oh you can't, can you?" 

He had that mischievous look in his eyes that proved he knew secrets about Shay that no one else did. That little bit of light that danced in the dark color of his eyes, the slight uptick of his lips, that proud stance he took. All of it was proof that he was proud of what he knew. 

"Okay..." Shay bit her lip. "...maybe a little." 

Poe reached out and gathered Shay into his arms, careful of her ribs and her back. "We've got today, and we've got tonight, and we're going to make the most of it." He pulled back, his hands going to the sides of her face. "You with me on this?" 

Shay smiled, and it was bigger than it had been all day. "I'm definitely with you." 

"Good. So how ya wanna spend it?" 

She glanced sheepishly at the bed. "Well...given my injuries, I guess my first choice is out." Her eyes met Poe's, but she cocked her head when she saw his smirk appear. "What's _that_ look for?" 

Poe's eyes darkened wickedly. "I'm just considering what _is_ possible" he told her, backing her up to the bed slowly. "Something that will have us both smiling long after I leave." 

The edge of the bed bumped into the back of Shay's legs, but she couldn't look away from Poe. "Dare I ask what you're thinking of?" 

"Why don't I show you instead?" He gently eased her onto the bed, his lips finding the soft flesh of her neck. Shay sighed at their warmth, eager for more but still worried about her injuries. 

"Poe, what if-" 

"-Shhh. I'm not going to hurt you." He nipped at the tender spot just beneath her ear before eyeing her with a smile. "If I'm going to be gone for a while, I want to remember the taste of you." He kissed her jaw line. "...the way you moan my name..." He kissed the delicate hollow of her neck. "...the way your body trembles when I make you cum..." 

He drew his mouth back up to Shay's and kissed her hard. She moaned against him, a willing prisoner to the strength and possessiveness of his embrace. Just as she was about to give herself completely over to him, Poe pulled back. 

"Plus?" His mouth curved into a devilish smirk. "I don't want you to forget who this body belongs to while I'm gone." 

His phrasing left Shay breathless. Warmth pooled deep between her legs in response to his every word, his gaze as intense as his kisses were as he trailed them down to her breasts. She lay back and closed her eyes, dizzy from lust and the feel of Poe's full lips teasing and licking their way down her torso. His hands shifted her shirt up, exposing more skin for him to taste. Eventually, he lifted the entire thing up and over her head. 

Poe shifted over Shay as he slid a hand down beneath the band of her pants. His mouth worked hers as his fingers tested her wetness. "Mmmm, someone's wet for me" he purred against her ear with a smile. "You wish you could fuck me, don't you?" 

"You're cruel" Shay uttered against his mouth, her tongue diving in to quiet him. Poe accepted her kiss, but his hand grabbed at her jaw and held her out to him. 

"Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend who is about to make you cum?" 

Shay sneered at him playfully. "But you're _torturing_ me, babe." 

"That's my goal." 

A small whine came from Shay's throat and she pushed her bottom lip out. Poe chuckled softly, admiring the way she was beginning to beg. For as long as he might be gone from D'Qar, he fully intended on drawing her orgasm out. He could feel how hard he was beneath his pants, his dick all but crying out for release. Luckily for him, he knew a thing or two about delayed gratification and discipline; the two of which were never more necessary than they were now. 

"Try not to move" he told Shay as he shifted down to remove her pants. As the fabric slipped off her legs, Poe kissed the soft flesh just below her belly button. He nosed at the sheer fabric of her panties, glancing up at her with a knowing look. "You're soaked, baby." 

"You sound surprised?" she taunted back. 

He smiled, then pressed the flat of his tongue against her clit, sending a shiver straight up her spine. "What was that?" 

Shay could feel the warmth of Poe's breath against her skin and she wanted more. Her fingers sunk into the depths of his curls, silently begging him to end the teasing. He hooked a finger beneath the fabric of her panties and pulled them to the side. 

"Who do you belong to, baby?" 

Shay mewed in heat at the question. "I'm all yours." 

"Say it again." 

" _I'm all yours_." 

"Good girl." 

When Shay finally felt his tongue lap at her folds, she let out a long moan. She felt Poe begin alternating between the unfair combination of his rough stubble and the wet softness of his tongue over her. He'd done it unintentionally once and she loved the sensation so much that Poe used it every chance he could, bringing her to ecstasy in ways no other man ever had. Even now, her body was thrust into an overdrive of pleasure as she whimpered his name over and over. She did her very best to keep her body still so as not to irritate her injuries, but she was finding it more and more difficult. 

Poe was loving the way Shay was reacting. There really was nothing better than bringing her pleasure like this, with his arms locked around each thigh, his head between her legs as he enjoyed her body to the fullest. Shay's wandering fingers in his hair were encouragement, especially when she became closer and closer to her climax. When he pushed a finger into her depths, Shay writhed and moaned. The sight made Poe's already-aching dick throb. 

"Feel good, baby?" 

"Mmmm hmmm." 

"You want another one?" 

Her gold eyes opened and looked down at him. "Yes…" 

"Yes what?" Poe eased the tip of a second finger into her wet warmth. 

"Yes _please_ …" 

Hit bit his bottom lip as he listened to Shay's low moan when he pushed the rest of the way in. Her hips bucked against them, but his free hand was right there on her stomach to steady her. "Try not to move—" 

"—I don't care" she uttered blissfully. Poe's thick fingers filled her enough for her to almost completely disregard her injured torso. It all felt so good that pain was the last thing on her mind. As Poe hooked his fingers and hit her special spot, it sent Shay into a fit of gasps. "Right there….don't stop…." she pleaded. 

Knowing she was close, Poe licked and sucked at her slit while his fingers worked within. In no time, Shay's moans came harder and faster, her hands locked in his hair. "Let go, baby. Cum for me." 

And she did. 

Shay arched her back as much as she could without it hurting, riding the waves of her shattering orgasm. Her body clenched against his fingers, her chest heaving as she felt an absolute euphoria overtake her. In time, the energy of Shay's climax settled into a blissful calm, finally allowing her the chance to speak. 

"You're so good to me" she breathed. She looked down and saw Poe's glistening mouth smiling up at her. He kissed her sex, licked it exactly once - long and slow - then lifted himself up to share Shay's taste with her as their mouths connected. 

"I'm going to miss you" she told him, wiping his bottom lip with her thumb. 

"I'm going to miss you too." 

Their mouths met in a slow kiss, the passion between them unmatched. When Shay looked into Poe's large eyes, she couldn't help but smile. "I want you inside me" she whispered, her mouth was barely apart from his. 

Poe studied her curiously. "Babe, we don't have to—" 

"—I _want_ to." She caressed his face, her eyes lowering to his full mouth. She saw the split in his lip from a few nights before and felt the minutes slipping away from them. "I have to feel you before you leave." Her eyes lifted to his. "And I want _you_ to feel me." 

Poe watched as Shay shifted onto her side, her back facing him. She pushed her hips out to him, presenting herself, urging him to take her in this way. Poe realized this was probably the only position they could make love without completely hurting her, and he wanted to so badly….not just because he was harder than stone, his cock straining against his pants and threatening to burst through them…but because he wanted to feel that connection to her. He wanted the memory fresh in his mind for the long nights awaiting him on the mission. 

He removed his pants, his hand going to the curve where her waist met her hips. His fingers gripped the flesh, feeling urgency mounting as he lined himself up to her. As he delved in, Shay uttered a barely audible moan. 

"Tell me if your back hurts" he said, thrusting slow and deep. 

In response, Shay turned her head so their mouths could align in a kiss. "It doesn't" she breathed, kissing him harder. She closed her eyes as he withdrew and pushed back in, feeling every inch as it disappeared inside her. "….so good…" she moaned. "…so fucking good…" 

Poe couldn't agree more. Their unhurried pace was beyond satisfying. He leaned his forehead against Shay's back as he began to lose himself in the sensation, trying to imprint each moan, each whimper, each inch of soft skin he could touch. Reaching forward, he took one of her breasts in his hand, rolling the nipple between his fingers as he increased his speed only minimally. He slid a hand up to Shay's neck, clutching at it as his thrusts went deeper, his mouth buried in her hair. 

Because of how full and deep Poe was taking her, each controlled thrust brought another hushed moan from Shay. Her whimpers and moans were a melody, and Poe played her all night. Tonight was about cherishing one another, feeling each other as if it was the last time they might ever do so. In a war like this, it was entirely possible it could be. Their only focus now was how they felt together; how they've always felt since the first day they met. This love translated into the slow, focused, intense movement of their bodies. 

When Poe could hold on no longer, he buried himself inside Shay as deep as he could. In the ecstasy of his release, he bit the base of her neck, leaving a mark that would remind Shay of this night for days to come. 

"You are absolutely everything" he told Shay, nuzzling her neck as he felt his body come down from its high. "My everything." 

With one finger, he turned her face towards his. Their noses touched before their lips met, and Shay felt tears brimming in her eyes. 

  


* * *

  


With no proper hangar left on base, the last dozen or so X-wings that survived the bombing were prepped and ready to go outside on the tarmac. 

A group had assembled there to wish Black Squadron off on what could be the beginning to one of their biggest missions yet: to find Lor San Tekka. 

As the pilots loaded into their ships, Poe stood with Shay beside his own X-wing. Both avoided saying goodbye, though each knew their night together was just one long goodbye. Still, the discomfort that came with the unknown that lay ahead kept either one of them from saying it. 

Engines began to fire. Dust swirled around the ships that began their ignition series, and Poe felt the seconds ticking down to zero. He stood with his hands braced on either side of Shay's face, staring into her eyes for as long as he could. "If there's ever an ability to, I'll contact you. No matter where or when, I'll find a way." 

With her arms wrapped about his torso, the blue of her skin a stark contrast to the bright orange of his flight suit, Shay could feel how tense Poe was. She reached up to touch his face one more time, feeling his stubble against her hands once more. "I know you will." She smiled up at him. "And I'll be right here waiting for it." 

They hugged, each clutching the other with a need that distance couldn't break. Poe was the one to pull back, feeling his sense of duty taking over. He pressed his lips to Shay's, tasting her one final time and wishing he could never leave the safety and security he found in her. 

"Rest. Get better. Get stronger while I'm gone" he said, a bittersweet smile lighting up his face. "You're gonna need to make up for lost time behind the cockpit when I get back." 

Shay laughed, fighting back tears. "Only if you promise to come back in one piece." 

The corner of his mouth lifted. "I promise." He reached into one of his jumpsuit pockets and withdrew his room key. "Keep this…you know, in case you ever get to missing me." 

Shay took the key, struggling to keep composure. "Thank you" she said, her voice heavy with a mix of sadness and gratitude. 

Poe bent his head and placed a single kiss to her forehead. "Love you." 

"Love _you_." Shay had been holding Poe's helmet this whole time, so when she handed it over to him then, it was like passing a torch. The mission was Poe's focus now, and she needed him to focus so he could help the Resistance and come back to her. 

Poe lifted the beat up orange and red helmet over his head and transitioned into the pilot she first fell in love with. She backed away slowly as he climbed into the cockpit, BB-8 not far behind him. She waved once to the droid, who whistled goodbye from his spot behind the cockpit. 

When it came to waving goodbye to Poe, she blew a kiss instead. 

He pretended to catch it in one of his gloved hands. 

Heat from the X-wing's exhaust enveloped Shay, drying the water that had been filling her eyes. As Poe brought his ship up off the ground, Shay didn't take her eyes off of him. Visions of their fun-filled morning practices came to the forefront of her mind, even as Poe and his squadron pulled back from the tarmac and into the air above her. 

_Keep him safe,_ Shay wished silently, hoping whatever gods were out there were listening. She watched as Poe and the others shot into the atmosphere and out of sight, a lonesome quiet settling over the base _. Please keep them all safe and bring them home swiftly._

  


* * *

  


Later that night, when everyone else had gone to sleep, Shay walked the halls of the Resistance base down to the now-empty pilot's wing. 

Lifting the small square keycard up to the entry panel, Poe's door _whooshed_ open and she went inside. She flicked the lights on and looked around. It smelled like him. It _felt_ like him. Everything was exactly as it should be, except he wasn't there. 

What _was_ there, however, was a small folded piece of paper on top of Poe's table. As Shay lifted the note, she realized it was sitting on top of one of his leather jackets that was folded up into a square. Upon opening the note, Shay felt her heart slow in her chest as she read her boyfriend's handwriting. 

_Miss me already? I knew you couldn't stay away._

Shay sniffled as she smirked. 

_I left my jacket for you. Thought you could wear it if you got lonely. Just pretend it's me hugging you._

_I'll come back to you, Shay. Mark my words._ _Until then, know that I'm thinking of you every day and that I love you._

— _Poe_

Her tears fell onto the note as her attention turned to the jacket on the table. She lifted it up and held it out before her with a smile. It was the dark leather jacket; the one with his mother's worn Rebel patch sewn onto the shoulder, and her personal favorite. 

Hugging the leather to her face, Shay inhaled as she closed her eyes. Leather. Musk. Oil. Cologne. _Poe._

She slipped it on over her shoulders, the size of it swallowing her smaller frame. It was exactly like one of Poe's hugs: big, heartfelt, warm. 

It was perfect. 

  


* * *

  


**The End.**

  


* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR'S NOTE:**
> 
> **And there we have it, folks! Another segment in the story of Shayavi and Poe. My goal with this story was twofold: First: to show progression in Shay and Poe's relationship, because I love them. Poe is sexy as fuck, and Shay is a perfect match for him (his "Pastel Princess", if you will haha).** **Secondly, I wanted to try and lead my way into the The Force Awakens, HOWEVER - This is not the mission where Poe finally finds Lor San Tekka, as we see in TFA. I took the liberty (again) of massaging the Poe Dameron comics within my story to "make things work" in a somewhat cohesive manner. I hope I succeeded in doing so.**
> 
> **Lastly: because this is not the final step leading into TFA, there is room for one more installment of their relationship: Poe's return home to D'Qar, and all the sexy/fluffy/wonderful times beyond that. I have no current plans to write this, but I may end up doing so anyways. *taps fingers together* Hmmm...if I can think of a good story, perhaps I will write it. :)**
> 
> **Thank you again for all your favs, follows, and reviews! You make writing more fun because of it!**
> 
> **-Winter**


End file.
